This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 15
I promised my self I wouldnt miss a day, excuse. 3 days at an art retreat and I was exhausted! Excuse over!
Driving home at midnight I was thinking out loud or talking to myself what I was going to blog about. I know , CRAZY right? Me a plan!?! I was so bummed that i c.didn't have the energy to do it, so heres waht I was thinki ng.
I learned so much about myself at this art convention, more than I thought.I took alot of notes, wrote a lot of words, just words that popped in my head and stuff.
When I was a littel girl i had ideas, alot. all the time. But they were always hidden in my head, when I did try to bring them out, I was told no.I was stupid, be realistic and so on. I;m sure alot of you can relate. So afraid of more rejection i kept putting them in littel boxes in my head,then to paper and wrote and drew as a child.
Long story short as an adult these ideas and creative impulses came back and I embraced it! I found myself!
I loved everybit of it! then I was married and he HATED i was an artist and just like a child I started to withdraw and stop what I loved and decided not to even put these ideas in a littel box in my head, what for, they were pointless, and it felt like another loss.
Then slowly after the divorce the boxes started to open like littel presents long forgotten in a closet. And when they did they started falling out faster than i could unwrap them!
Funny how at the same time I was (and still am) in a reltionship with someone who is intrigued and supports my art, even when he dosent understand it, he loves it because he loves me!
So I realize Im a buttterfly. I always have been. Abig bright yellow, pink and purple butterfly. But I didnt know. I still thought 'i was a catapillar. I was afraid of what the world and everyone around me wolud think when they saw me open my wings, and what if they wouldnt fly, what if no one liked the bright loud colors of my wings, but really what if they saw the littel rips in my wings, and knew, what if they really knew i was afraid to fly. so I would test it out when no one was aware, and when I did I was the happiest.always still sad inside because i really wanted to be the butterfly but felt oddly comfortable as the catapillar.
But now I know I AM A BUTTERFLY!!!!!!! I was mesant to fly!!!!! AND fly I will!
Today I am thankful not just for my shimmer wings but thankful they have the littel rips and holes in them ,its simply just part of my journey and I am not ashamed! I AM A BUTTERFLY!
Thank you God for creativity and art and thank you for starting me out as a catapillar and taking the time to transform me and color my wings exactly like you wanted!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Day 14 WINNER
This is the day the Lord has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 14 of the challenge to give thanks everyday, dosent really seem like a challenge so much today. Im at The Creative Connection, 3 day art retreat in St.Paul!!!!! Im learning ALOT!!!! And thats not even the start!
I even WON the big prize! I won a Crickett!!!!! Whooohooooo!
Why is winning so fun?Why does it make me feel so important to win, to be a winner? What makes me a winner? In my eyes or your eyes? Should it really matter?
Money. does that make me a winner? well i suppose to some it would. Beauty, does that make the cut? Well beauty is fleeting and I havent colored ,my roots in awhile. Perfect kids?Well Id be a magician then!( they are pretty amazing though!)Success in my buisness? well not if its at the sacrafice of missing out on my family and all the memories we are creating.
I guess its a choice we have. We all have free will, we were born with it. I can chose not to be a winner if I chose to lie, cheat,steal. I dont want to lie to myself anymore, i dont want to cheat my girls and fiance out of precious time and memories, i don't want to steal the goodness and the authenticity of this life Iv'e been given, not even for another day.
I choose to be a winner! Not just today because i won a prize for my art room, but because I've allready been given the most fantastic prize!
Life. its a beautiful story, my story. mine to share and to grow.
so im planting littel seeds everywhere i go. By choosing to laugh in the rain, and dance in the ashes where my heart once was,choossing to live with my eyes wide open on blind faith.
thank you lord for giving me the most amazing gift, one so agonizing yet beautiful, the gift of your Son Jesus. i am so thankful I have accepted this gift, lord i want desperatley everyone I know to have this joy, this peace. thank you for never leaving. Amen
Day 14 of the challenge to give thanks everyday, dosent really seem like a challenge so much today. Im at The Creative Connection, 3 day art retreat in St.Paul!!!!! Im learning ALOT!!!! And thats not even the start!
I even WON the big prize! I won a Crickett!!!!! Whooohooooo!
Why is winning so fun?Why does it make me feel so important to win, to be a winner? What makes me a winner? In my eyes or your eyes? Should it really matter?
Money. does that make me a winner? well i suppose to some it would. Beauty, does that make the cut? Well beauty is fleeting and I havent colored ,my roots in awhile. Perfect kids?Well Id be a magician then!( they are pretty amazing though!)Success in my buisness? well not if its at the sacrafice of missing out on my family and all the memories we are creating.
I guess its a choice we have. We all have free will, we were born with it. I can chose not to be a winner if I chose to lie, cheat,steal. I dont want to lie to myself anymore, i dont want to cheat my girls and fiance out of precious time and memories, i don't want to steal the goodness and the authenticity of this life Iv'e been given, not even for another day.
I choose to be a winner! Not just today because i won a prize for my art room, but because I've allready been given the most fantastic prize!
Life. its a beautiful story, my story. mine to share and to grow.
so im planting littel seeds everywhere i go. By choosing to laugh in the rain, and dance in the ashes where my heart once was,choossing to live with my eyes wide open on blind faith.
thank you lord for giving me the most amazing gift, one so agonizing yet beautiful, the gift of your Son Jesus. i am so thankful I have accepted this gift, lord i want desperatley everyone I know to have this joy, this peace. thank you for never leaving. Amen
Thursday, September 15, 2011
journeywithdestiny: Day 13 under my skin
journeywithdestiny: Day 13 under my skin: This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 Day 13 Giving thanks everyday( even in the small thin...
Day 13 under my skin
Day 13 under my skin
This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 13
Giving thanks everyday( even in the small things) whatever life brings.
Yes. I know, really behind AGAIN! but this is a new day and after a full day at aconference on blogging, i realize I really LOVE blogging! So I am going to not miss my daily blog, anymore!
Today I am thankful for creativity and fun and laughter. I am surrounded by artist this weekend and like all people we have a story, a journey, we all conect somehow.
We connect in person or through stories and sometimes secrets. Secrets that are shouting louder and louder and yet they go unheard.
My story.what is it really? what am i? who am I? I talk about that in my bio, but its really on my heart tonight. Sometimes I feel like one thing and others another. I assume thats normal, but do i really want to be normal? Hmmmm
How do I want to be known? As a mom? thats very general and to most probably boring. A hairdresser? Well I love mycareer but as my identity? Friend? Yes I am a friend, but I think I need more. Not a description but really Who am I?
Me, Destiny. I am a survivor, abused as a child. But do I want to be branded that way? Seems so taboo. But what I have been learning and discovering is what I have been through, has shaped and molded who I have become and that keeps changing and evolving too. I really have started to like me. But I dont have a LIKE button.!( And i think I am pretty funny sometimes!)
I love to write, I love words, I like paper, collaging,journaling,painting,But i do it best and freely about pain,suffering,overcoming.
Shame. Sometimes I have a fear of feeling shame, what will people think of me if they know? What will you think?What would you say to me or behind me if you knew my 'real' story.
under my skin
raw gritty blood
flows through my veins
pulsating heat
shadows in my head
burn into my eyes
If I was home I wouldpaint this. Thats what I do, paint my fear. paint my past, paint my story. I paint whats under my skin. Its what i know.
You can follow my other blog ajourneywithdestiny as well , I like to keep this one for rejoicing and the other, well it is the other side of me, and now twitter. this will be interesting.
Just know that I am a real person with real feelings and I understand more than you think. do you really want to know whats under my skin? Then follow me on this journey and take me with you on yours and together we can survive and breathe knowing that the sunrise is just peeking over the mountain and we dont want to miss it.
Thank you God so much for my story, how i wish i would never of had to endure and suffer the agony i have, how i wish no one ever had to, but thank you for giving me courage and a heart to feel and a canvas to paint any way i want, help me to continually heal and feel free of shame, amen
<a href="https://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="horizontal" data-via="Altered_Ego27">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>
Day 13
Giving thanks everyday( even in the small things) whatever life brings.
Yes. I know, really behind AGAIN! but this is a new day and after a full day at a
Today I am thankful for creativity and fun and laughter. I am surrounded by artist this weekend and like all people we have a story, a journey, we all conect somehow.
We connect in person or through stories and sometimes secrets. Secrets that are shouting louder and louder and yet they go unheard.
My story.what is it really? what am i? who am I? I talk about that in my bio, but its really on my heart tonight. Sometimes I feel like one thing and others another. I assume thats normal, but do i really want to be normal? Hmmmm
How do I want to be known? As a mom? thats very general and to most probably boring. A hairdresser? Well I love my
Me, Destiny. I am a survivor, abused as a child. But do I want to be branded that way? Seems so taboo. But what I have been learning and discovering is what I have been through, has shaped and molded who I have become and that keeps changing and evolving too. I really have started to like me. But I dont have a LIKE button.!( And i think I am pretty funny sometimes!)
I love to write, I love words, I like paper, collaging,journaling,painting,But i do it best and freely about pain,suffering,overcoming.
Shame. Sometimes I have a fear of feeling shame, what will people think of me if they know? What will you think?What would you say to me or behind me if you knew my 'real' story.
under my skin
raw gritty blood
flows through my veins
pulsating heat
shadows in my head
burn into my eyes
If I was home I would
You can follow my other blog ajourneywithdestiny as well , I like to keep this one for rejoicing and the other, well it is the other side of me, and now twitter. this will be interesting.
Just know that I am a real person with real feelings and I understand more than you think. do you really want to know whats under my skin? Then follow me on this journey and take me with you on yours and together we can survive and breathe knowing that the sunrise is just peeking over the mountain and we dont want to miss it.
Thank you God so much for my story, how i wish i would never of had to endure and suffer the agony i have, how i wish no one ever had to, but thank you for giving me courage and a heart to feel and a canvas to paint any way i want, help me to continually heal and feel free of shame, amen
<a href="https://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="horizontal" data-via="Altered_Ego27">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>
Monday, September 12, 2011
today i will rejoice: rest
today i will rejoice: rest: This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118;24 Day 12. Today was a much better day. Finally my thro...
rest
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118;24
Day 12.
Today was a much better day. Finally my throbbing headace and neck have given up a bit. still hurts but not nearly as much. Today is pretty simple. I''m thankful for rest.
after getting Estella ready for school and putting her on the bus I crawled back into my cozy blankets. My plan was simple, sleep another hour.wake up and hit the gym, run errands,color my friends hair, clean the house, peel and slice and freezethe million apples I picked from my Dads tree, and get all this done by 3. Whew and I forgot to mention all the laundry and cleaning that had been piling up.
I stretch and yawn and lay still for a few minutes and I think to myself how nice that was and hope its not past 830 or9, I look at the clock and couldn't believe it was after 11! Oh no! My day is completely behind schedule! I quick hurry out the house and lose my phone, after meeting Matt for lunch I took a deep breath and thought to myself, just re;ax and slow down, enjoy this day. so i went for a coffe and finished what I could without hurry and yes imissed my workout but instead enjoyed a family walk through the park, my laundry is piled up and the house still a mess, but I cooked a wonderful meal and enjoyed the laughter around the table and a game of Sequence with Matt.
It's so hard to just rest and relax sometimes without feeling guilty about what should be done, but who decided what was a should, could or had to? I'm thankfuul that today my "should" was something of value.
Sleep was needed to feel better and the family time was priceless, if I died tomorrow no one is going to say " I wish she wouldv'e finished that laundrry ot vacummed one more time." Well maybe my Mother would but thats a different story!!
Thank you Lord for rest and family and laughter. Thank you for the time we spent as a family tonight, bless my girls, keep them safe and when they are overwhelmed lead them to rest in your arms, where they will feel secure and theyr'e spirits renewed. thank you for always listening. i love you, amen.
Day 12.
Today was a much better day. Finally my throbbing headace and neck have given up a bit. still hurts but not nearly as much. Today is pretty simple. I''m thankful for rest.
after getting Estella ready for school and putting her on the bus I crawled back into my cozy blankets. My plan was simple, sleep another hour.wake up and hit the gym, run errands,color my friends hair, clean the house, peel and slice and freezethe million apples I picked from my Dads tree, and get all this done by 3. Whew and I forgot to mention all the laundry and cleaning that had been piling up.
I stretch and yawn and lay still for a few minutes and I think to myself how nice that was and hope its not past 830 or9, I look at the clock and couldn't believe it was after 11! Oh no! My day is completely behind schedule! I quick hurry out the house and lose my phone, after meeting Matt for lunch I took a deep breath and thought to myself, just re;ax and slow down, enjoy this day. so i went for a coffe and finished what I could without hurry and yes imissed my workout but instead enjoyed a family walk through the park, my laundry is piled up and the house still a mess, but I cooked a wonderful meal and enjoyed the laughter around the table and a game of Sequence with Matt.
It's so hard to just rest and relax sometimes without feeling guilty about what should be done, but who decided what was a should, could or had to? I'm thankfuul that today my "should" was something of value.
Sleep was needed to feel better and the family time was priceless, if I died tomorrow no one is going to say " I wish she wouldv'e finished that laundrry ot vacummed one more time." Well maybe my Mother would but thats a different story!!
Thank you Lord for rest and family and laughter. Thank you for the time we spent as a family tonight, bless my girls, keep them safe and when they are overwhelmed lead them to rest in your arms, where they will feel secure and theyr'e spirits renewed. thank you for always listening. i love you, amen.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
I am blessed
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 11. My challenge is to be thankful no matter what life brings, for something, whether big or small..
I have had a great time doing this so far. It has made me look at life differently the past few weeks for sure. Even though I'm only on day 11, it should probably be close to a month. some days I lose track of time!
I am so thankful for the time i got tto spend with my cousin this weekend!!It has been a few late nights and a lot of laughter talking about memories and creating new ones. Honestly I have had a headache or miagrane in my neck the lat few days and its made it alittel difficult but i kept it to myself and just enoyed my time, because I knew soon it would pass but my cousin wouldnt be back for along time.
Now im home in bed with my computer and it hurts more than ever so besides being thankful for my time with him, right now with my neck in tremendous pain with this headach, I want to say I am thankful for having a home to go to and a bed to curl up into and relax, i couldnt imagine being homeless especially on days when you are sick or having these horrible headaches, im thankfull for the cold refreshing water i have on my night stand, what a luxury, lots of people dont have clean water.im thankful for the quite in my house and i m thankful for my sweetheart, i know when he comes over he will rub my neck untill i fall asleep.
I am very blessed.
Thank you God for this weekend with my family, thank you for always providing and making a way for me. thank you God for putting matt in my life and showing me true genuine love and kindness.Lord please heal my neck and these headaches, i know you are the great healer of all things! there is nothing you cant do, right now i ask of you to please heal my head and whatever causes this to happen, thnak you Jesus, thank you.
Day 11. My challenge is to be thankful no matter what life brings, for something, whether big or small..
I have had a great time doing this so far. It has made me look at life differently the past few weeks for sure. Even though I'm only on day 11, it should probably be close to a month. some days I lose track of time!
I am so thankful for the time i got tto spend with my cousin this weekend!!It has been a few late nights and a lot of laughter talking about memories and creating new ones. Honestly I have had a headache or miagrane in my neck the lat few days and its made it alittel difficult but i kept it to myself and just enoyed my time, because I knew soon it would pass but my cousin wouldnt be back for along time.
Now im home in bed with my computer and it hurts more than ever so besides being thankful for my time with him, right now with my neck in tremendous pain with this headach, I want to say I am thankful for having a home to go to and a bed to curl up into and relax, i couldnt imagine being homeless especially on days when you are sick or having these horrible headaches, im thankfull for the cold refreshing water i have on my night stand, what a luxury, lots of people dont have clean water.im thankful for the quite in my house and i m thankful for my sweetheart, i know when he comes over he will rub my neck untill i fall asleep.
I am very blessed.
Thank you God for this weekend with my family, thank you for always providing and making a way for me. thank you God for putting matt in my life and showing me true genuine love and kindness.Lord please heal my neck and these headaches, i know you are the great healer of all things! there is nothing you cant do, right now i ask of you to please heal my head and whatever causes this to happen, thnak you Jesus, thank you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)