This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118
DAY 31 of giving thanks everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings.
I absolutely love Christmas! Everything about it, laughter, singing, dancing around the living room, drinking hot cocoa,playing games, carolling, kissing under the mistel toe, snow ball fights, making cookies, sleigh rides, decorating the house and scrapbooking the entire month of fun activities!
Then reality sets in. Every year since I was a littel girl this was my wish for the month of December, year after year it is nothing like this but I still dream and hope for it.
I wonder why. Why do I keep dreaming of this? Why haven't I given up?
The past few years when its time to decorate the tree the teenager throws a fit and retreats to her bedroom, the two girls fight all the way to the tree farm, if there is a sleigh ride its constant complaining about the cold, the presents are never exactly what anyone wants, the cookies go to my hips, no one agrees on games. I usually pull out the great words " everyone is going to have fun and thats an order! now smile!"
The photos look happy, they look like my hopes and dreams, anyone veiwing them would be envious of our perfect and fairytale like life,but I know the truth and it hurts. I know the fighting behind every photo and the tears I have fought to keep inside while praying just this year lord, please just this year.
I do this with life i have realized. I set up all these big expectations and hopes and I am a big dreamer. I know it wont all happen like i hope but it dosen't stop me from dreaming and for the most part I am ok when it dosen't turn out, except for Christmas, this year my prayer is "Lord just this year please, the tree is up and i look at it and it hurts because my oldest stormed off to her room, please let me look at it with joy for the memories that were created that night and not focus on the hurt and let there be many nights of laughter around it this Christmas season, bring peace to my family and healing for the hearts that are empty, bring them to my home and let them feel the warmth of your love this Christmas, that is why we celebrate, thank you."
Watching the Lampoons Christmas Vacation is one of my favorite movies. This year I realize I am Clark Grisswold. If anyone was going to write a Christmas movie about my life this would be it!
The scene when he's in bed laying next to his wife and she says "clark I know how you build all these expectations about things and christmass and i don't want you to be dissapointed" he says he dosen't know what shes talking about and never does that and as she goes on he starts kissing her so she can't talk! Funny! I do the same thing to Matt when I know he's right and I don't want to hear it! If you have seen the movie you know what happens, he has all these plans and is trying to create the perfect Christmas and everything that could go wrong does, but he never gives up, he loves his family.
Maybe this is why I am always trying to create the 'perfect' Christmas or the 'perfect' family night or the 'perfect' family diner or the 'perfect' birthday. I know nothing is perfect, we are not perfect people but very flawed people and I mess up everyday all the time, but I love life and I love my family. so here's to amother Christmas and a book full of photos that this year will be happy from the inside out. Merry Christmas!
