endurance

This is the day the Lord has made and  I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm118:24

My heart is filled with a sadness, but still I choose to rejoice.

Funny how everything can be great and in an instant life can spin around and take you by suprise.
Love is a powerful force,
Hmm... I started to write this 2 days ago, but didn't know how to say what I feel.

 I am so blessed with a beautiful and wonderful life, I am in a very good place, my marriage is wonderful, my kids are fantastic, my buisness is going well, I feel close to God.  In the midst of all these blessings it only takes one thing to make the heart sad.
The point of my blog is to give thanks even when all is not wonderful.

Without specific details because of privacy all I can say is this....

You can love someone before you even met them, I never realized it untill recent years, you have ideas , know about the person, seen pictures, your mind creates fantasies. And it builds anticipation and excitement  and nervousness all at the same time.
Then all to soon they are gone, distant visits, and occasional letters, life seems so busy you all but drift away, then after a long awaited arrival many hugs and tears, then the rebuilding.
Love, hurt, releif, figuring out where and how you belong. pulling close, pushing away.
Forgiveness
Then just like that dread, not knowing, anxiety, fear of the loss of time, fear of not seeing, fear of not being able to give comfort because my own heart is struggeling with  questions that can not be answered any time soon.
The waiting...
The anguish...
The memories...
The hope of more time, more memories
Prayers
The only thing I have left, the greatest most powerful force but it feels so littel. Crying out to God to rescue, reveal,save. because He can.
Desperate tear stained prayers, and it feels not enough.

So today I am thankful for endurance. I am thankful that when my heart feels it's not enough that I still know the trunderstand it I will trust in my Father.
the verses that follow are...

 O Lord, save us;

O Lord, grant us success.

26Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.

From the house of the Lord we bless you.^a

27The Lord is God,

and he has made his light shine upon us.

I know He can save ... but I want to feel it, see it.
Previous verses

In my anguish I cried to the Lord,

and he answered by setting me free.

6The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.

What can man do to me?

7The Lord is with me; he is my helper.

I will look in triumph on my enemies

Yes in anguish I have cried out to the Lord and am waiting for Him to answer, it's all I can do...