This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118
DAY 31 of giving thanks everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings.
I absolutely love Christmas! Everything about it, laughter, singing, dancing around the living room, drinking hot cocoa,playing games, carolling, kissing under the mistel toe, snow ball fights, making cookies, sleigh rides, decorating the house and scrapbooking the entire month of fun activities!
Then reality sets in. Every year since I was a littel girl this was my wish for the month of December, year after year it is nothing like this but I still dream and hope for it.
I wonder why. Why do I keep dreaming of this? Why haven't I given up?
The past few years when its time to decorate the tree the teenager throws a fit and retreats to her bedroom, the two girls fight all the way to the tree farm, if there is a sleigh ride its constant complaining about the cold, the presents are never exactly what anyone wants, the cookies go to my hips, no one agrees on games. I usually pull out the great words " everyone is going to have fun and thats an order! now smile!"
The photos look happy, they look like my hopes and dreams, anyone veiwing them would be envious of our perfect and fairytale like life,but I know the truth and it hurts. I know the fighting behind every photo and the tears I have fought to keep inside while praying just this year lord, please just this year.
I do this with life i have realized. I set up all these big expectations and hopes and I am a big dreamer. I know it wont all happen like i hope but it dosen't stop me from dreaming and for the most part I am ok when it dosen't turn out, except for Christmas, this year my prayer is "Lord just this year please, the tree is up and i look at it and it hurts because my oldest stormed off to her room, please let me look at it with joy for the memories that were created that night and not focus on the hurt and let there be many nights of laughter around it this Christmas season, bring peace to my family and healing for the hearts that are empty, bring them to my home and let them feel the warmth of your love this Christmas, that is why we celebrate, thank you."
Watching the Lampoons Christmas Vacation is one of my favorite movies. This year I realize I am Clark Grisswold. If anyone was going to write a Christmas movie about my life this would be it!
The scene when he's in bed laying next to his wife and she says "clark I know how you build all these expectations about things and christmass and i don't want you to be dissapointed" he says he dosen't know what shes talking about and never does that and as she goes on he starts kissing her so she can't talk! Funny! I do the same thing to Matt when I know he's right and I don't want to hear it! If you have seen the movie you know what happens, he has all these plans and is trying to create the perfect Christmas and everything that could go wrong does, but he never gives up, he loves his family.
Maybe this is why I am always trying to create the 'perfect' Christmas or the 'perfect' family night or the 'perfect' family diner or the 'perfect' birthday. I know nothing is perfect, we are not perfect people but very flawed people and I mess up everyday all the time, but I love life and I love my family. so here's to amother Christmas and a book full of photos that this year will be happy from the inside out. Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Day 30
This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psaml 118
I'm laying in bed and for hours now all I can hear is the sound of machine gun fire and an occasional " oh Sh!*" ! It sounds so real and yet the constant and rhymatic sound is almost lulling me to sleep.
Strange.
Somewhere else tonight is the same sound but with a different affect, it's not lulling anyone else to sleep.Quite the opposite in fact.
Matt and his video games, boys will be boys. Im still trying to win Pac Man, I'm pretty behind the times in video games I guess.
Somewhere else a woman is hiding in fear, worrying and praying for her life and for those that she loves, her Matt isn't just playing a video game.
So tonight I am simply thankfull for peace and for safety.
I'm confident that I will go to sleep and wake up with no one breaking into our home or hearing gun fire outside my window, tonight like everynight I will sleep safely in peace and make my way to the coffee pot and watch the birds out my kitchen window.
Yes, thank you Lord for safety and a peacefull nights sleep!
I'm laying in bed and for hours now all I can hear is the sound of machine gun fire and an occasional " oh Sh!*" ! It sounds so real and yet the constant and rhymatic sound is almost lulling me to sleep.
Strange.
Somewhere else tonight is the same sound but with a different affect, it's not lulling anyone else to sleep.Quite the opposite in fact.
Matt and his video games, boys will be boys. Im still trying to win Pac Man, I'm pretty behind the times in video games I guess.
Somewhere else a woman is hiding in fear, worrying and praying for her life and for those that she loves, her Matt isn't just playing a video game.
So tonight I am simply thankfull for peace and for safety.
I'm confident that I will go to sleep and wake up with no one breaking into our home or hearing gun fire outside my window, tonight like everynight I will sleep safely in peace and make my way to the coffee pot and watch the birds out my kitchen window.
Yes, thank you Lord for safety and a peacefull nights sleep!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Day 29 A thankful heart
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118
Yes I will rejoice and yes I will be glad.
Today is Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for. It seems so cliche to say my list out loud, family, friends and love.
I think of Norfreilia and her mother Johanna in Indonesia, do they have a holiday similar? If so what are they giving thanks for. Afterall they do live in poverty, not like poverty here where we have access to foodbanks and shelters, but a different kind of poverty. A place where they live in huts and catch wild chickens. What about Holga, she lives in Uguanda, she is 13 and dosen't go to school because her health is to poor, but oddly enough it's good enough to be the familys water carrier. How many miles each day dose she carry water? What would she be thankful for? The last photo I received of her she was smiling while sweeping the dirt with a bundel of sticks. Why was she smiling? When my girls sweep they use a swifter on a tiled floor and complain about how unfair they are being treated and how hard it is. I bet Holga would feel like a princess in our home of unfairness and hard work!!
It's so hard for me to comprehend the vast differences of our lives.
I am thankful I was born here in this time in this place, to me I feel like Iv'e won the lottery somehow. When I come home tired after a long day i never have to question if I'll have food to eat and plenty of it! Or clean water to drink, I just fill up a whole bath tub and emerge myself into it with a hot cup of coffee and a good book and maybe close my eyes and drift away. I never think twice of this amazing luxury that most of the world could never comprehend.
I wish I could trade with them for a day and compare notes or walk with them for a week and see. I want to see the joy they have when to us or to me it would appear they seem to have nothing, nothing to laugh about, nothing to be thankful for, nothing to really want to live for. And yet Holga is smiling a real genuine smile, her face is glowing and there is a peace that radiates from her heart and shines like the sun through her eyes.
I love these girls from two different parts of the world, we are all connected and chances are the three of us will never meet. It amazes me each time I open the mailbox and see a letter thats stamped with the words 'letter from sponsored child' accross the top.I run to the house my heart is racing with excitement to see what they have said. I feel them so close in my heart in that moment and Iv'e never met them, how can I love them so much. I guess I will never know.
Johanna, Norfeilas mom, we write as well and as I am living here in America praying for God to bless my children and keep them safe, bless my buisness and make more money, when I allready own a home and have a car and go out to eat and more clothes and shoes than I need, I read the last line of Johannas precious letter and it says" I always pray for the Lord God to bless you Mrs. Destiny Jackson" and My hands started to tremble and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Why? How? A woman in a hut in poverty praying for God to bless me? Seemed so backwards, I felt humbeled, I felt unworthy of such a prayer, I felt loved by this woman. Here we are I thought to myself two woman with girls, with a home, with faith, with compassion. We are very much the same with our different languages, different economic status, different types of housing, but we are the same.
I am anxiuosly awaiting my next letter from Johanna, I told her of my upcoming wedding and asked about her own love story and how they met and what there custom of marriage is, I wish she could be at my wedding feast and celebration this siter of mine.
Not here, not in this lifetime but one day for the marriage supper of the lamb. We will feast and dance and celebrate all the goodness of the LORD together...
Revelations 19 6-9
6 Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
“Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
8 Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear.”
(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)
9 Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.”
At least in my mind I picture it to be a celebration like a wedding, but beyond anything I could ever want or hope or dream of!!!
Johanna, Norfeila, Holga, it will be an honor and a pleasure to dance and celebrate with you all one day!! Thank you for praying for me and changing not just my life but my heart in so many ways! May the Lord bless you and keep you,his face shine upon you, goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your lives!!!!
Yes I will rejoice and yes I will be glad.
Today is Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for. It seems so cliche to say my list out loud, family, friends and love.
I think of Norfreilia and her mother Johanna in Indonesia, do they have a holiday similar? If so what are they giving thanks for. Afterall they do live in poverty, not like poverty here where we have access to foodbanks and shelters, but a different kind of poverty. A place where they live in huts and catch wild chickens. What about Holga, she lives in Uguanda, she is 13 and dosen't go to school because her health is to poor, but oddly enough it's good enough to be the familys water carrier. How many miles each day dose she carry water? What would she be thankful for? The last photo I received of her she was smiling while sweeping the dirt with a bundel of sticks. Why was she smiling? When my girls sweep they use a swifter on a tiled floor and complain about how unfair they are being treated and how hard it is. I bet Holga would feel like a princess in our home of unfairness and hard work!!
It's so hard for me to comprehend the vast differences of our lives.
I am thankful I was born here in this time in this place, to me I feel like Iv'e won the lottery somehow. When I come home tired after a long day i never have to question if I'll have food to eat and plenty of it! Or clean water to drink, I just fill up a whole bath tub and emerge myself into it with a hot cup of coffee and a good book and maybe close my eyes and drift away. I never think twice of this amazing luxury that most of the world could never comprehend.
I wish I could trade with them for a day and compare notes or walk with them for a week and see. I want to see the joy they have when to us or to me it would appear they seem to have nothing, nothing to laugh about, nothing to be thankful for, nothing to really want to live for. And yet Holga is smiling a real genuine smile, her face is glowing and there is a peace that radiates from her heart and shines like the sun through her eyes.
I love these girls from two different parts of the world, we are all connected and chances are the three of us will never meet. It amazes me each time I open the mailbox and see a letter thats stamped with the words 'letter from sponsored child' accross the top.I run to the house my heart is racing with excitement to see what they have said. I feel them so close in my heart in that moment and Iv'e never met them, how can I love them so much. I guess I will never know.
Johanna, Norfeilas mom, we write as well and as I am living here in America praying for God to bless my children and keep them safe, bless my buisness and make more money, when I allready own a home and have a car and go out to eat and more clothes and shoes than I need, I read the last line of Johannas precious letter and it says" I always pray for the Lord God to bless you Mrs. Destiny Jackson" and My hands started to tremble and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Why? How? A woman in a hut in poverty praying for God to bless me? Seemed so backwards, I felt humbeled, I felt unworthy of such a prayer, I felt loved by this woman. Here we are I thought to myself two woman with girls, with a home, with faith, with compassion. We are very much the same with our different languages, different economic status, different types of housing, but we are the same.
I am anxiuosly awaiting my next letter from Johanna, I told her of my upcoming wedding and asked about her own love story and how they met and what there custom of marriage is, I wish she could be at my wedding feast and celebration this siter of mine.
Not here, not in this lifetime but one day for the marriage supper of the lamb. We will feast and dance and celebrate all the goodness of the LORD together...
Revelations 19 6-9
6 Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
“Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
8 Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear.”
(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)
9 Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.”
At least in my mind I picture it to be a celebration like a wedding, but beyond anything I could ever want or hope or dream of!!!
Johanna, Norfeila, Holga, it will be an honor and a pleasure to dance and celebrate with you all one day!! Thank you for praying for me and changing not just my life but my heart in so many ways! May the Lord bless you and keep you,his face shine upon you, goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your lives!!!!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Day 28 the wounded soul
This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118
Day 28
Im going to give thanks and praise to God every day for 6 months no matter what life brings,
This is my challenge to myself. Some days it's easy , others not, and some days seem ordinary with nothing really that special. I guess that is what part of the challenge is.
Lately I seem to be very emotional, more sensitive to others than ordinary. Awhile back you may remember I prayed several times for God to break my heart for what breaks his and to really look into the eyes of others around me and feel . Feel their sorrow, feel their pain, feel their happiness, laugh with them, cry with them.
I have a new friend. my new friend barely speaks english. She is always smiling but I see something more when I look into her eyes, something familiar. I know that smile, it's the same smile I have used. The mask that hides the wounded soul. We see it every day on different people and it's so easy to overlook. Untill you stop and say hello, and look and see.
I see beauty, I see pain, I see happiness to have someone to share with, i see a life that has lived a million hurts, and shared a thousand laughs, and a heart that grieves for a love that has betrayed.
Shattered.Broken. Bruised.Despair.Lonliness.Wondering why.
Tangled together in a beautiful mess.
The mask that hides the wounded soul slowly begins to crack, and another smile fills the holes, untill she slowly fades away not knowing who is looking back at the reflection in the mirror.
I share her tears as I try to understand her broken english and in my spirit I pray and ask for understanding and a way to communicate.
Our languages may be different, our faiths our different, but none of that matters. Our masks are the same,our pain is familiar. My heart breaks for her and I wonder why, why do we have to hurt, why do we have to suffer injustice.
We are women from different walks of life but yet I feel like we are walking down the same path in this life. So for now I just want to be a friend and listen. I'm trying to learn some basic phrases of her language but I'm not so good at it! I think she knows i mean well!
I want to help her chisel her mask off one peice at a time, untill it begins to crumble one layer at a time, to reveal the true beauty that lies beneath the sorrow in her eyes, i know the feeling of relief when the weight has been removed and peace within radiates from the depth of my very soul.
Day 28
Im going to give thanks and praise to God every day for 6 months no matter what life brings,
This is my challenge to myself. Some days it's easy , others not, and some days seem ordinary with nothing really that special. I guess that is what part of the challenge is.
Lately I seem to be very emotional, more sensitive to others than ordinary. Awhile back you may remember I prayed several times for God to break my heart for what breaks his and to really look into the eyes of others around me and feel . Feel their sorrow, feel their pain, feel their happiness, laugh with them, cry with them.
I have a new friend. my new friend barely speaks english. She is always smiling but I see something more when I look into her eyes, something familiar. I know that smile, it's the same smile I have used. The mask that hides the wounded soul. We see it every day on different people and it's so easy to overlook. Untill you stop and say hello, and look and see.
I see beauty, I see pain, I see happiness to have someone to share with, i see a life that has lived a million hurts, and shared a thousand laughs, and a heart that grieves for a love that has betrayed.
Shattered.Broken. Bruised.Despair.Lonliness.Wondering why.
Tangled together in a beautiful mess.
The mask that hides the wounded soul slowly begins to crack, and another smile fills the holes, untill she slowly fades away not knowing who is looking back at the reflection in the mirror.
I share her tears as I try to understand her broken english and in my spirit I pray and ask for understanding and a way to communicate.
Our languages may be different, our faiths our different, but none of that matters. Our masks are the same,our pain is familiar. My heart breaks for her and I wonder why, why do we have to hurt, why do we have to suffer injustice.
We are women from different walks of life but yet I feel like we are walking down the same path in this life. So for now I just want to be a friend and listen. I'm trying to learn some basic phrases of her language but I'm not so good at it! I think she knows i mean well!
I want to help her chisel her mask off one peice at a time, untill it begins to crumble one layer at a time, to reveal the true beauty that lies beneath the sorrow in her eyes, i know the feeling of relief when the weight has been removed and peace within radiates from the depth of my very soul.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Day 27 Feels good
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118
Feels good to be back. Maybe because I'm all cozzied up in my bed with my favorite blankets and a hot fresh ground coffee. Maybe it's because this is the first blog post from my new home. Maybe its the smell of cinnamon rolls drifting from the kitchen. Just feels good to be here.
It'sbeen about a month or so , the hardest part of this 6 month challenge isn't finding a reason to be thankful but finding the time to write about it. So lets do a quick overlook shall we.
Matt sold his house, Praise God! Mine has not sold yet, so keep praying with me! We bought a new one, still in process of setteling in and marging 2 families into one. The wedding date has been set, December 22 , 20111.
My creative brain is on overload, new projects on the way!
My lap top broke.
We had our first arguement, after 3 years I guess it was time!
My children lost their minds for a brief time, but they are back now!
And of course the beautiful wedding gown I purchased was a limited edition and only one size was avaialable and instead of loosing 10 pounds to have it fit perfect I've gained 3! so now I need to loose 13 pounds in the next 30 days, hmm I may need to find an alterations specialist soon!
So in all this what am I choosing to give thanks for ?
I am thankful God has blessed me so over abundantly, not with things, even though He is, but with love. There is love all around me, in my home, my job, a kind word from a stranger, friendships that are blossoming and growing, and love from my Father. He is granting me the desires of my heart . He is pouring out his blessings and goodness upon me! He is faithful in his word and with his promises, and I sometimes fwel so unworthy of Him and his gifts. My heart and my brain are two different things. But the truth is , I am worthy, I am loved, I am redeemed. I am not perfect but I will always be loved and nothing can seperate me from the love of Christ.
I encourage you to read the rest of this Psalm. I am done comparing myself to others and their success to mine and even my failures. It feels good to know there is justice to those who cause harm and forgiveness for those who turn around. It feels good just to bask in the presence of the Lord and not just know I am loved but to feel that I am loved.
Today is a good day and it's just begining!!
Feels good to be back. Maybe because I'm all cozzied up in my bed with my favorite blankets and a hot fresh ground coffee. Maybe it's because this is the first blog post from my new home. Maybe its the smell of cinnamon rolls drifting from the kitchen. Just feels good to be here.
It'sbeen about a month or so , the hardest part of this 6 month challenge isn't finding a reason to be thankful but finding the time to write about it. So lets do a quick overlook shall we.
Matt sold his house, Praise God! Mine has not sold yet, so keep praying with me! We bought a new one, still in process of setteling in and marging 2 families into one. The wedding date has been set, December 22 , 20111.
My creative brain is on overload, new projects on the way!
My lap top broke.
We had our first arguement, after 3 years I guess it was time!
My children lost their minds for a brief time, but they are back now!
And of course the beautiful wedding gown I purchased was a limited edition and only one size was avaialable and instead of loosing 10 pounds to have it fit perfect I've gained 3! so now I need to loose 13 pounds in the next 30 days, hmm I may need to find an alterations specialist soon!
So in all this what am I choosing to give thanks for ?
I am thankful God has blessed me so over abundantly, not with things, even though He is, but with love. There is love all around me, in my home, my job, a kind word from a stranger, friendships that are blossoming and growing, and love from my Father. He is granting me the desires of my heart . He is pouring out his blessings and goodness upon me! He is faithful in his word and with his promises, and I sometimes fwel so unworthy of Him and his gifts. My heart and my brain are two different things. But the truth is , I am worthy, I am loved, I am redeemed. I am not perfect but I will always be loved and nothing can seperate me from the love of Christ.
 Psalm 37a Of David. 1Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; 2for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. 3Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 4Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: 6He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. 7Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. 8Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. 9For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land. 10A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found. 11But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace. 12The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; 13but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming. | |||
I encourage you to read the rest of this Psalm. I am done comparing myself to others and their success to mine and even my failures. It feels good to know there is justice to those who cause harm and forgiveness for those who turn around. It feels good just to bask in the presence of the Lord and not just know I am loved but to feel that I am loved.
Today is a good day and it's just begining!!
Monday, October 10, 2011
today i will rejoice: today i will rejoice: Day 25 Renew
today i will rejoice: today i will rejoice: Day 25 Renew: today i will rejoice: Day 25 Renew : This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24 Day 25 Of daily ch...
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Day 26 winds of change
This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24
Day 26 Giving thanks everyday no matter what life brings for 6 months
It's a beautiful day. I can hear it before my eyes open, birds chirping outside, I can hear the wind blowing. I think someone poured concrete in my eyes because they wont open yet! Coffe. If I can just get to the kitchen!So I lay there listening to the world outside my window. I wonder what it's like to be a bird, what are they saying, what are they planning to do for the day.
Estella comes sleepily into my room, ahhhh, my favorite thing in the world, cuddel time with the girls, wish Angel was here too. I wish there was no school or work today, i wish we could lay here and cuddel and talk for hours,but time to get up, 6:30 am is ridiculous I think.
Walking out to the buss stop we say Psalm 118 everyday, have ever since Angel was a littel girl. Today Estella is thankful for being on time! I say I am thankful for the time we had this morning and lots of hugs and kisses! She giggels and says she is too and throws her arms around me for another big hug. We talk about the birds singing and joke that it's a boy bird singing to the pretty girl bird to make her fall in love with him! Then more laughter because we call Matt Mr.Lovebird.
As she gets on the bus and we wave one last time my heart is overflowing with emotion and I pray for the bus driver that he is safe and there will never be an accident, I don't know why but suddenly I was caught off guard by the fear of loosing her. What if that was our last morning?What if that was our last cuddel? Or last walk?
As soon as the thoughts came,I rebuked them. I think of the verse from Jeremiah " For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord,plans to prosper you,plans not to harm you, but plans to give you hope and a future" 29:11
The Lord is good and I trust him.
I walk home and am amazed at the beauty of the changing leaves all around me, wondering if everyone on my street had a wondeful morning as me. Did they have the time with their kids that I did? Did they hang on to every second? Do they ever think of the what ifs? and if they do does it make them appeciate the littel things more?
I feel this emotion rising up inside of me waiting to burst! I want everyone on my street everyone on my block to feel this rush of love. I want them to realize that just like the changing leaves our children are changing and they are vibrant today but soon the wind will come and the season will change and the tress will be bear and just like my precious girls , entering a new season of life.
I come into the house and pour Angel a fresh coffee and bring it to her room, I really don't have time, I need to get ready for work myself, but I really didn't have the time not to, tomorrow it wont matter if my hair wasn't perfectly placed, what matters now is that moment in wishing her a wonderful day and kissing her sweet face as she wipes the sleep from her eyes and says "thank you for the coffee mom, i'm really tired, i have a test today, oh and i love you so much" I love you more than anything i tell her, and i do, i love them both more than anything in the world and even if i live to be 100 years old, it wont be long enough to tell them I love them, and I wont be able to give them all the littel kisses I want and i'm sure on my last breath I'll ask for one more hug and breathe my last with a kiss on their cheek.
Today I am thankful for realizing the importance of the moment. I am thankful I am learning not to take these littel moments for granted and treasuring each one of them like the jewel it is, priceless.
Thank you Lord so much for understanding what is truly important, sooner than later, help me continue to keep my prorities straight, help to guide my words and actions in love always, protect these girls from all that is harmful, all that is evil in this world, may they always see the beauty and the gifts all around them, may they realize sooner than later to hang onto these littel moments, because as soon as the leaves turn the wind comes and blows them away we are left with a memory, let that memory be beautiful. Thank you again, bless us with a long healthy life together to praise you. Amen
Day 26 Giving thanks everyday no matter what life brings for 6 months
It's a beautiful day. I can hear it before my eyes open, birds chirping outside, I can hear the wind blowing. I think someone poured concrete in my eyes because they wont open yet! Coffe. If I can just get to the kitchen!So I lay there listening to the world outside my window. I wonder what it's like to be a bird, what are they saying, what are they planning to do for the day.
Estella comes sleepily into my room, ahhhh, my favorite thing in the world, cuddel time with the girls, wish Angel was here too. I wish there was no school or work today, i wish we could lay here and cuddel and talk for hours,but time to get up, 6:30 am is ridiculous I think.
Walking out to the buss stop we say Psalm 118 everyday, have ever since Angel was a littel girl. Today Estella is thankful for being on time! I say I am thankful for the time we had this morning and lots of hugs and kisses! She giggels and says she is too and throws her arms around me for another big hug. We talk about the birds singing and joke that it's a boy bird singing to the pretty girl bird to make her fall in love with him! Then more laughter because we call Matt Mr.Lovebird.
As she gets on the bus and we wave one last time my heart is overflowing with emotion and I pray for the bus driver that he is safe and there will never be an accident, I don't know why but suddenly I was caught off guard by the fear of loosing her. What if that was our last morning?What if that was our last cuddel? Or last walk?
As soon as the thoughts came,I rebuked them. I think of the verse from Jeremiah " For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord,plans to prosper you,plans not to harm you, but plans to give you hope and a future" 29:11
The Lord is good and I trust him.
I walk home and am amazed at the beauty of the changing leaves all around me, wondering if everyone on my street had a wondeful morning as me. Did they have the time with their kids that I did? Did they hang on to every second? Do they ever think of the what ifs? and if they do does it make them appeciate the littel things more?
I feel this emotion rising up inside of me waiting to burst! I want everyone on my street everyone on my block to feel this rush of love. I want them to realize that just like the changing leaves our children are changing and they are vibrant today but soon the wind will come and the season will change and the tress will be bear and just like my precious girls , entering a new season of life.
I come into the house and pour Angel a fresh coffee and bring it to her room, I really don't have time, I need to get ready for work myself, but I really didn't have the time not to, tomorrow it wont matter if my hair wasn't perfectly placed, what matters now is that moment in wishing her a wonderful day and kissing her sweet face as she wipes the sleep from her eyes and says "thank you for the coffee mom, i'm really tired, i have a test today, oh and i love you so much" I love you more than anything i tell her, and i do, i love them both more than anything in the world and even if i live to be 100 years old, it wont be long enough to tell them I love them, and I wont be able to give them all the littel kisses I want and i'm sure on my last breath I'll ask for one more hug and breathe my last with a kiss on their cheek.
Today I am thankful for realizing the importance of the moment. I am thankful I am learning not to take these littel moments for granted and treasuring each one of them like the jewel it is, priceless.
Thank you Lord so much for understanding what is truly important, sooner than later, help me continue to keep my prorities straight, help to guide my words and actions in love always, protect these girls from all that is harmful, all that is evil in this world, may they always see the beauty and the gifts all around them, may they realize sooner than later to hang onto these littel moments, because as soon as the leaves turn the wind comes and blows them away we are left with a memory, let that memory be beautiful. Thank you again, bless us with a long healthy life together to praise you. Amen
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