This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 15
I promised my self I wouldnt miss a day, excuse. 3 days at an art retreat and I was exhausted! Excuse over!
Driving home at midnight I was thinking out loud or talking to myself what I was going to blog about. I know , CRAZY right? Me a plan!?! I was so bummed that i c.didn't have the energy to do it, so heres waht I was thinki ng.
I learned so much about myself at this art convention, more than I thought.I took alot of notes, wrote a lot of words, just words that popped in my head and stuff.
When I was a littel girl i had ideas, alot. all the time. But they were always hidden in my head, when I did try to bring them out, I was told no.I was stupid, be realistic and so on. I;m sure alot of you can relate. So afraid of more rejection i kept putting them in littel boxes in my head,then to paper and wrote and drew as a child.
Long story short as an adult these ideas and creative impulses came back and I embraced it! I found myself!
I loved everybit of it! then I was married and he HATED i was an artist and just like a child I started to withdraw and stop what I loved and decided not to even put these ideas in a littel box in my head, what for, they were pointless, and it felt like another loss.
Then slowly after the divorce the boxes started to open like littel presents long forgotten in a closet. And when they did they started falling out faster than i could unwrap them!
Funny how at the same time I was (and still am) in a reltionship with someone who is intrigued and supports my art, even when he dosent understand it, he loves it because he loves me!
So I realize Im a buttterfly. I always have been. Abig bright yellow, pink and purple butterfly. But I didnt know. I still thought 'i was a catapillar. I was afraid of what the world and everyone around me wolud think when they saw me open my wings, and what if they wouldnt fly, what if no one liked the bright loud colors of my wings, but really what if they saw the littel rips in my wings, and knew, what if they really knew i was afraid to fly. so I would test it out when no one was aware, and when I did I was the happiest.always still sad inside because i really wanted to be the butterfly but felt oddly comfortable as the catapillar.
But now I know I AM A BUTTERFLY!!!!!!! I was mesant to fly!!!!! AND fly I will!
Today I am thankful not just for my shimmer wings but thankful they have the littel rips and holes in them ,its simply just part of my journey and I am not ashamed! I AM A BUTTERFLY!
Thank you God for creativity and art and thank you for starting me out as a catapillar and taking the time to transform me and color my wings exactly like you wanted!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Day 14 WINNER
This is the day the Lord has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 14 of the challenge to give thanks everyday, dosent really seem like a challenge so much today. Im at The Creative Connection, 3 day art retreat in St.Paul!!!!! Im learning ALOT!!!! And thats not even the start!
I even WON the big prize! I won a Crickett!!!!! Whooohooooo!
Why is winning so fun?Why does it make me feel so important to win, to be a winner? What makes me a winner? In my eyes or your eyes? Should it really matter?
Money. does that make me a winner? well i suppose to some it would. Beauty, does that make the cut? Well beauty is fleeting and I havent colored ,my roots in awhile. Perfect kids?Well Id be a magician then!( they are pretty amazing though!)Success in my buisness? well not if its at the sacrafice of missing out on my family and all the memories we are creating.
I guess its a choice we have. We all have free will, we were born with it. I can chose not to be a winner if I chose to lie, cheat,steal. I dont want to lie to myself anymore, i dont want to cheat my girls and fiance out of precious time and memories, i don't want to steal the goodness and the authenticity of this life Iv'e been given, not even for another day.
I choose to be a winner! Not just today because i won a prize for my art room, but because I've allready been given the most fantastic prize!
Life. its a beautiful story, my story. mine to share and to grow.
so im planting littel seeds everywhere i go. By choosing to laugh in the rain, and dance in the ashes where my heart once was,choossing to live with my eyes wide open on blind faith.
thank you lord for giving me the most amazing gift, one so agonizing yet beautiful, the gift of your Son Jesus. i am so thankful I have accepted this gift, lord i want desperatley everyone I know to have this joy, this peace. thank you for never leaving. Amen
Day 14 of the challenge to give thanks everyday, dosent really seem like a challenge so much today. Im at The Creative Connection, 3 day art retreat in St.Paul!!!!! Im learning ALOT!!!! And thats not even the start!
I even WON the big prize! I won a Crickett!!!!! Whooohooooo!
Why is winning so fun?Why does it make me feel so important to win, to be a winner? What makes me a winner? In my eyes or your eyes? Should it really matter?
Money. does that make me a winner? well i suppose to some it would. Beauty, does that make the cut? Well beauty is fleeting and I havent colored ,my roots in awhile. Perfect kids?Well Id be a magician then!( they are pretty amazing though!)Success in my buisness? well not if its at the sacrafice of missing out on my family and all the memories we are creating.
I guess its a choice we have. We all have free will, we were born with it. I can chose not to be a winner if I chose to lie, cheat,steal. I dont want to lie to myself anymore, i dont want to cheat my girls and fiance out of precious time and memories, i don't want to steal the goodness and the authenticity of this life Iv'e been given, not even for another day.
I choose to be a winner! Not just today because i won a prize for my art room, but because I've allready been given the most fantastic prize!
Life. its a beautiful story, my story. mine to share and to grow.
so im planting littel seeds everywhere i go. By choosing to laugh in the rain, and dance in the ashes where my heart once was,choossing to live with my eyes wide open on blind faith.
thank you lord for giving me the most amazing gift, one so agonizing yet beautiful, the gift of your Son Jesus. i am so thankful I have accepted this gift, lord i want desperatley everyone I know to have this joy, this peace. thank you for never leaving. Amen
Thursday, September 15, 2011
journeywithdestiny: Day 13 under my skin
journeywithdestiny: Day 13 under my skin: This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 Day 13 Giving thanks everyday( even in the small thin...
Day 13 under my skin
Day 13 under my skin
This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 13
Giving thanks everyday( even in the small things) whatever life brings.
Yes. I know, really behind AGAIN! but this is a new day and after a full day at aconference on blogging, i realize I really LOVE blogging! So I am going to not miss my daily blog, anymore!
Today I am thankful for creativity and fun and laughter. I am surrounded by artist this weekend and like all people we have a story, a journey, we all conect somehow.
We connect in person or through stories and sometimes secrets. Secrets that are shouting louder and louder and yet they go unheard.
My story.what is it really? what am i? who am I? I talk about that in my bio, but its really on my heart tonight. Sometimes I feel like one thing and others another. I assume thats normal, but do i really want to be normal? Hmmmm
How do I want to be known? As a mom? thats very general and to most probably boring. A hairdresser? Well I love mycareer but as my identity? Friend? Yes I am a friend, but I think I need more. Not a description but really Who am I?
Me, Destiny. I am a survivor, abused as a child. But do I want to be branded that way? Seems so taboo. But what I have been learning and discovering is what I have been through, has shaped and molded who I have become and that keeps changing and evolving too. I really have started to like me. But I dont have a LIKE button.!( And i think I am pretty funny sometimes!)
I love to write, I love words, I like paper, collaging,journaling,painting,But i do it best and freely about pain,suffering,overcoming.
Shame. Sometimes I have a fear of feeling shame, what will people think of me if they know? What will you think?What would you say to me or behind me if you knew my 'real' story.
under my skin
raw gritty blood
flows through my veins
pulsating heat
shadows in my head
burn into my eyes
If I was home I wouldpaint this. Thats what I do, paint my fear. paint my past, paint my story. I paint whats under my skin. Its what i know.
You can follow my other blog ajourneywithdestiny as well , I like to keep this one for rejoicing and the other, well it is the other side of me, and now twitter. this will be interesting.
Just know that I am a real person with real feelings and I understand more than you think. do you really want to know whats under my skin? Then follow me on this journey and take me with you on yours and together we can survive and breathe knowing that the sunrise is just peeking over the mountain and we dont want to miss it.
Thank you God so much for my story, how i wish i would never of had to endure and suffer the agony i have, how i wish no one ever had to, but thank you for giving me courage and a heart to feel and a canvas to paint any way i want, help me to continually heal and feel free of shame, amen
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Day 13
Giving thanks everyday( even in the small things) whatever life brings.
Yes. I know, really behind AGAIN! but this is a new day and after a full day at a
Today I am thankful for creativity and fun and laughter. I am surrounded by artist this weekend and like all people we have a story, a journey, we all conect somehow.
We connect in person or through stories and sometimes secrets. Secrets that are shouting louder and louder and yet they go unheard.
My story.what is it really? what am i? who am I? I talk about that in my bio, but its really on my heart tonight. Sometimes I feel like one thing and others another. I assume thats normal, but do i really want to be normal? Hmmmm
How do I want to be known? As a mom? thats very general and to most probably boring. A hairdresser? Well I love my
Me, Destiny. I am a survivor, abused as a child. But do I want to be branded that way? Seems so taboo. But what I have been learning and discovering is what I have been through, has shaped and molded who I have become and that keeps changing and evolving too. I really have started to like me. But I dont have a LIKE button.!( And i think I am pretty funny sometimes!)
I love to write, I love words, I like paper, collaging,journaling,painting,But i do it best and freely about pain,suffering,overcoming.
Shame. Sometimes I have a fear of feeling shame, what will people think of me if they know? What will you think?What would you say to me or behind me if you knew my 'real' story.
under my skin
raw gritty blood
flows through my veins
pulsating heat
shadows in my head
burn into my eyes
If I was home I would
You can follow my other blog ajourneywithdestiny as well , I like to keep this one for rejoicing and the other, well it is the other side of me, and now twitter. this will be interesting.
Just know that I am a real person with real feelings and I understand more than you think. do you really want to know whats under my skin? Then follow me on this journey and take me with you on yours and together we can survive and breathe knowing that the sunrise is just peeking over the mountain and we dont want to miss it.
Thank you God so much for my story, how i wish i would never of had to endure and suffer the agony i have, how i wish no one ever had to, but thank you for giving me courage and a heart to feel and a canvas to paint any way i want, help me to continually heal and feel free of shame, amen
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Monday, September 12, 2011
today i will rejoice: rest
today i will rejoice: rest: This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118;24 Day 12. Today was a much better day. Finally my thro...
rest
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118;24
Day 12.
Today was a much better day. Finally my throbbing headace and neck have given up a bit. still hurts but not nearly as much. Today is pretty simple. I''m thankful for rest.
after getting Estella ready for school and putting her on the bus I crawled back into my cozy blankets. My plan was simple, sleep another hour.wake up and hit the gym, run errands,color my friends hair, clean the house, peel and slice and freezethe million apples I picked from my Dads tree, and get all this done by 3. Whew and I forgot to mention all the laundry and cleaning that had been piling up.
I stretch and yawn and lay still for a few minutes and I think to myself how nice that was and hope its not past 830 or9, I look at the clock and couldn't believe it was after 11! Oh no! My day is completely behind schedule! I quick hurry out the house and lose my phone, after meeting Matt for lunch I took a deep breath and thought to myself, just re;ax and slow down, enjoy this day. so i went for a coffe and finished what I could without hurry and yes imissed my workout but instead enjoyed a family walk through the park, my laundry is piled up and the house still a mess, but I cooked a wonderful meal and enjoyed the laughter around the table and a game of Sequence with Matt.
It's so hard to just rest and relax sometimes without feeling guilty about what should be done, but who decided what was a should, could or had to? I'm thankfuul that today my "should" was something of value.
Sleep was needed to feel better and the family time was priceless, if I died tomorrow no one is going to say " I wish she wouldv'e finished that laundrry ot vacummed one more time." Well maybe my Mother would but thats a different story!!
Thank you Lord for rest and family and laughter. Thank you for the time we spent as a family tonight, bless my girls, keep them safe and when they are overwhelmed lead them to rest in your arms, where they will feel secure and theyr'e spirits renewed. thank you for always listening. i love you, amen.
Day 12.
Today was a much better day. Finally my throbbing headace and neck have given up a bit. still hurts but not nearly as much. Today is pretty simple. I''m thankful for rest.
after getting Estella ready for school and putting her on the bus I crawled back into my cozy blankets. My plan was simple, sleep another hour.wake up and hit the gym, run errands,color my friends hair, clean the house, peel and slice and freezethe million apples I picked from my Dads tree, and get all this done by 3. Whew and I forgot to mention all the laundry and cleaning that had been piling up.
I stretch and yawn and lay still for a few minutes and I think to myself how nice that was and hope its not past 830 or9, I look at the clock and couldn't believe it was after 11! Oh no! My day is completely behind schedule! I quick hurry out the house and lose my phone, after meeting Matt for lunch I took a deep breath and thought to myself, just re;ax and slow down, enjoy this day. so i went for a coffe and finished what I could without hurry and yes imissed my workout but instead enjoyed a family walk through the park, my laundry is piled up and the house still a mess, but I cooked a wonderful meal and enjoyed the laughter around the table and a game of Sequence with Matt.
It's so hard to just rest and relax sometimes without feeling guilty about what should be done, but who decided what was a should, could or had to? I'm thankfuul that today my "should" was something of value.
Sleep was needed to feel better and the family time was priceless, if I died tomorrow no one is going to say " I wish she wouldv'e finished that laundrry ot vacummed one more time." Well maybe my Mother would but thats a different story!!
Thank you Lord for rest and family and laughter. Thank you for the time we spent as a family tonight, bless my girls, keep them safe and when they are overwhelmed lead them to rest in your arms, where they will feel secure and theyr'e spirits renewed. thank you for always listening. i love you, amen.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
I am blessed
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 11. My challenge is to be thankful no matter what life brings, for something, whether big or small..
I have had a great time doing this so far. It has made me look at life differently the past few weeks for sure. Even though I'm only on day 11, it should probably be close to a month. some days I lose track of time!
I am so thankful for the time i got tto spend with my cousin this weekend!!It has been a few late nights and a lot of laughter talking about memories and creating new ones. Honestly I have had a headache or miagrane in my neck the lat few days and its made it alittel difficult but i kept it to myself and just enoyed my time, because I knew soon it would pass but my cousin wouldnt be back for along time.
Now im home in bed with my computer and it hurts more than ever so besides being thankful for my time with him, right now with my neck in tremendous pain with this headach, I want to say I am thankful for having a home to go to and a bed to curl up into and relax, i couldnt imagine being homeless especially on days when you are sick or having these horrible headaches, im thankfull for the cold refreshing water i have on my night stand, what a luxury, lots of people dont have clean water.im thankful for the quite in my house and i m thankful for my sweetheart, i know when he comes over he will rub my neck untill i fall asleep.
I am very blessed.
Thank you God for this weekend with my family, thank you for always providing and making a way for me. thank you God for putting matt in my life and showing me true genuine love and kindness.Lord please heal my neck and these headaches, i know you are the great healer of all things! there is nothing you cant do, right now i ask of you to please heal my head and whatever causes this to happen, thnak you Jesus, thank you.
Day 11. My challenge is to be thankful no matter what life brings, for something, whether big or small..
I have had a great time doing this so far. It has made me look at life differently the past few weeks for sure. Even though I'm only on day 11, it should probably be close to a month. some days I lose track of time!
I am so thankful for the time i got tto spend with my cousin this weekend!!It has been a few late nights and a lot of laughter talking about memories and creating new ones. Honestly I have had a headache or miagrane in my neck the lat few days and its made it alittel difficult but i kept it to myself and just enoyed my time, because I knew soon it would pass but my cousin wouldnt be back for along time.
Now im home in bed with my computer and it hurts more than ever so besides being thankful for my time with him, right now with my neck in tremendous pain with this headach, I want to say I am thankful for having a home to go to and a bed to curl up into and relax, i couldnt imagine being homeless especially on days when you are sick or having these horrible headaches, im thankfull for the cold refreshing water i have on my night stand, what a luxury, lots of people dont have clean water.im thankful for the quite in my house and i m thankful for my sweetheart, i know when he comes over he will rub my neck untill i fall asleep.
I am very blessed.
Thank you God for this weekend with my family, thank you for always providing and making a way for me. thank you God for putting matt in my life and showing me true genuine love and kindness.Lord please heal my neck and these headaches, i know you are the great healer of all things! there is nothing you cant do, right now i ask of you to please heal my head and whatever causes this to happen, thnak you Jesus, thank you.
Friday, September 9, 2011
today i will rejoice: simple
today i will rejoice: simple: This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 Day 10. Challenge to be thankful everyday for 6 month...
simple
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 10. Challenge to be thankful everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings.
Yesterday was amazing! Seeing familiy and remincing of our youth, wow how the years have flown by.
Today is going to be more than a good day. I can feel it.
Do you ever wake up and even before the sleep is rubbed from your eyes you know that this day is going to be amazing? I love that feeling! It's almost like a high in some way. I want more of it! Yesterday was that way as well! Makes me slightly nervous because inside I know the truth, what comes up must come down. For now though I am going to enjoy this feeling and not worry about what is ahead.
I enjoy the simple pleasures as well as the big and exciting things. But simple things come more often than the big moments. What I'm learning is to see the simple small things as something more and at the end of the day or week they do add up to one big moment.
Some would say they know me very well, even call me friend. they would say I'm usually happy, smiling, spontaneous , cheery. That is true but I'm also human and when they really know me would know I have struggels, sadness, loss, and other things in my life I have overcome and am still choosing to heal from.
So these littel simple joys are usually just that, simple. But on other days these simple moments can be monumentous. Maybe trying to be thankful everyday will create a habit, a habit to find the good no matter what, just let it be automatic.
This morning my car wouldn't start. For some reason the key wouldn't turn, like it was locked. Angel was going to drive today and at first I started to get upset because I was thinking of all the possibilities and car repairs and if the ignition was out or something where would I get the money plus its not even paid for. Uggghh. Then I took a breath, thanked God in my mind for the sun. Thankful we were at home, not out of town or at the store in a rain storm or anything. I kept praying and finally the key turned. odd. So I drove and I thought, hmm maybe this was some kind of divine intervention that saved us from an accident.Who knows.maybe it was just a weird thing with my car. I will never know but I'm glad I didn't spend my time in anger or frustration.
Today is a great day and I am rejoicing. I've had coffee with my sweetheart, time with my girls and my car is still running. My car is a thing, my relationships hold so much more value and we got to spend an extra 15 minutes together just her and I. I'm thankful I didn't waste them .
Thank you God for these littel moments and for this wonderful sunshiney day!
Day 10. Challenge to be thankful everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings.
Yesterday was amazing! Seeing familiy and remincing of our youth, wow how the years have flown by.
Today is going to be more than a good day. I can feel it.
Do you ever wake up and even before the sleep is rubbed from your eyes you know that this day is going to be amazing? I love that feeling! It's almost like a high in some way. I want more of it! Yesterday was that way as well! Makes me slightly nervous because inside I know the truth, what comes up must come down. For now though I am going to enjoy this feeling and not worry about what is ahead.
I enjoy the simple pleasures as well as the big and exciting things. But simple things come more often than the big moments. What I'm learning is to see the simple small things as something more and at the end of the day or week they do add up to one big moment.
Some would say they know me very well, even call me friend. they would say I'm usually happy, smiling, spontaneous , cheery. That is true but I'm also human and when they really know me would know I have struggels, sadness, loss, and other things in my life I have overcome and am still choosing to heal from.
So these littel simple joys are usually just that, simple. But on other days these simple moments can be monumentous. Maybe trying to be thankful everyday will create a habit, a habit to find the good no matter what, just let it be automatic.
This morning my car wouldn't start. For some reason the key wouldn't turn, like it was locked. Angel was going to drive today and at first I started to get upset because I was thinking of all the possibilities and car repairs and if the ignition was out or something where would I get the money plus its not even paid for. Uggghh. Then I took a breath, thanked God in my mind for the sun. Thankful we were at home, not out of town or at the store in a rain storm or anything. I kept praying and finally the key turned. odd. So I drove and I thought, hmm maybe this was some kind of divine intervention that saved us from an accident.Who knows.maybe it was just a weird thing with my car. I will never know but I'm glad I didn't spend my time in anger or frustration.
Today is a great day and I am rejoicing. I've had coffee with my sweetheart, time with my girls and my car is still running. My car is a thing, my relationships hold so much more value and we got to spend an extra 15 minutes together just her and I. I'm thankful I didn't waste them .
Thank you God for these littel moments and for this wonderful sunshiney day!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Family
This is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24
Day 9. Giving thanks and rejoicing every day for 6 months.
After yesterdays blog I am trying really hard to have my eyes opened to whats around me, honestly I kinda go through this here and there, but Im going to make a consience effort to keep them open, and really see not just glance around and overlook whats aruond me . I want tobe more in touch with people and walk not just beside them here and there, but walk a mile in there shoes, how else will my heart break for the things that break Gods? How else will I ever really truly know not only my family, my friends, my clients, but my community,my brothers and sisters? I want to see more clearly.
Today I am thankful for so much and its only 8 am! I had a fantastic wake up from Estella! She came to me rubbing my back and singing a wake up song with kisses! Then I curled Angels hair and we decided the best way to study her AP history class was to sing it! Funny!
But today is an exciting day! My cousin Keith is flying here from Louisianna! My best friend growing up! Wev'e only seen each other 3 times since 1989. WOW . Not enough at all.
I have missed him so much. I feel like a littel girl on Christmas Eve, not wanting to go to sleep! I don't want to go to work! Im too excited!
I'm thankful toay for relationships. Thankful for hearts that never stop loving acrosss the miles. Not all the time we have missed out on but the time we will cherish makeing new memories this weekend!
Thankful for the special bond of friendship we have.
This is a great day! Now I'm off to my friend Andreas home for cofee with my girlfriends! Then to work, then to see my my hearts closest truest friend, Keith, I love you!!!!!
Thank you God for relationships and love and family! I cant even begin to imagine how much you love all of us and can contain it all! My heart sometimes feels like its going to burst with love and excitement! especially on a day like today! thank you so much for the special funny moments with my girls this morning too! Keep them safe today while we are apart. but in all this excitement please help me to see all around me and not lose my focus, thank you.
Day 9. Giving thanks and rejoicing every day for 6 months.
After yesterdays blog I am trying really hard to have my eyes opened to whats around me, honestly I kinda go through this here and there, but Im going to make a consience effort to keep them open, and really see not just glance around and overlook whats aruond me . I want tobe more in touch with people and walk not just beside them here and there, but walk a mile in there shoes, how else will my heart break for the things that break Gods? How else will I ever really truly know not only my family, my friends, my clients, but my community,my brothers and sisters? I want to see more clearly.
Today I am thankful for so much and its only 8 am! I had a fantastic wake up from Estella! She came to me rubbing my back and singing a wake up song with kisses! Then I curled Angels hair and we decided the best way to study her AP history class was to sing it! Funny!
But today is an exciting day! My cousin Keith is flying here from Louisianna! My best friend growing up! Wev'e only seen each other 3 times since 1989. WOW . Not enough at all.
I have missed him so much. I feel like a littel girl on Christmas Eve, not wanting to go to sleep! I don't want to go to work! Im too excited!
I'm thankful toay for relationships. Thankful for hearts that never stop loving acrosss the miles. Not all the time we have missed out on but the time we will cherish makeing new memories this weekend!
Thankful for the special bond of friendship we have.
This is a great day! Now I'm off to my friend Andreas home for cofee with my girlfriends! Then to work, then to see my my hearts closest truest friend, Keith, I love you!!!!!
Thank you God for relationships and love and family! I cant even begin to imagine how much you love all of us and can contain it all! My heart sometimes feels like its going to burst with love and excitement! especially on a day like today! thank you so much for the special funny moments with my girls this morning too! Keep them safe today while we are apart. but in all this excitement please help me to see all around me and not lose my focus, thank you.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
savoring life like a white chocolate passionfruit trufffel
this is the day the Lord has made and i will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
The biggest challenge of this 6 month challenge to give thanks everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings, is time i have discovered! Im on day 8 but it should probably be 20!
Time goes by so quickly and there is never enough of it. Its one of the few things money can not buy, if we could id invest in alot of stock!
I didnt know what i was going to be thankful for when i started to write or what to write about, so i do what i usualy do, God give me words. Time. it keeps coming to me.
Who do i want to be in this time that i have? how do i want to be remebered? will i be satisfied at the end of my time here on earth? or will ibe grasping for more?will i just exist through it? walking slowly and disconnected?or running so fast i pass it all up?
I want to savor every bit of it, like my favorite white passion fruit truffel (from obsession chocolates!) When i take a bite its so delicious i want to eat the whole thing right away!but then its gone, and i am licking my teeth for more,wishing i would of taken the time to really enjoy it and savor it,one nibble at a time.
No more pettiness.
No more complaining.
No more pouting.
No more working extra extra late for 50bucks not even 100 bucks! My family is worth more!!!
Im done with feeling sorry, depressed days, tired mornings, its not fair, living in the past, not being thankful.
I am not existing but living!
I am not fine but fantastic!
I am not a victim but a survivor!
I am going to live without regrets.
I am going to have a heart of love
show compassion
I am going to walk in truth
I am going to show kindness, not just think kind thoughts
actions speak louder than words
I am going to embrace life and all its moments, from the sweetest to the raw and griity ones.
I am not perfect, actually very flawed
Ill never live perfectly but I am more aware of what and how i want my life to be, what i desire to be what i long to become. how i want to spend my time that i have left.
I want my time to be on the mountain top, but i know to get there the journey is a raw and gritty one, but i am learning that is where the strength for the journey comes, thats where integrity is formed, where true character is defined. I have been up and down the mountain many times, too many to count. The difference now is my attitude going back up. Who will I find along the way, will i stop to wipe the sweat from their brow? Walk to find them water? Sit with them for awhile,let my heart break for theirs? or will i be focused on me and what lies ahead? i would like to use that time to unwrap a delicious white chocolate passion fruit truffel and share in the goodness of life.
Yes life is good. life is a blessing. time may be short and the journey may be a difficult one, but thats when you feel refreshment, at the end of something difficult. A cold glass of water taste so much better at the end of hike than just on a walk.
Psalm 39:5
You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;at best, each of us is but a breath.
Thank you God for this time. thank you for life and breath of another day. help me to use it wisely and not waste this precious gift, help me to see more clearly and walk in obedience to you. break my heart with what breaks yours so i may be more loving, more patient,more compassionate, help me to speak with love and not in anger, not to take my time for granit.thank you for the gritty times, never leaving me but healing, giving new life a new heart and a new perspective. amen
The biggest challenge of this 6 month challenge to give thanks everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings, is time i have discovered! Im on day 8 but it should probably be 20!
Time goes by so quickly and there is never enough of it. Its one of the few things money can not buy, if we could id invest in alot of stock!
I didnt know what i was going to be thankful for when i started to write or what to write about, so i do what i usualy do, God give me words. Time. it keeps coming to me.
Who do i want to be in this time that i have? how do i want to be remebered? will i be satisfied at the end of my time here on earth? or will ibe grasping for more?will i just exist through it? walking slowly and disconnected?or running so fast i pass it all up?
I want to savor every bit of it, like my favorite white passion fruit truffel (from obsession chocolates!) When i take a bite its so delicious i want to eat the whole thing right away!but then its gone, and i am licking my teeth for more,wishing i would of taken the time to really enjoy it and savor it,one nibble at a time.
No more pettiness.
No more complaining.
No more pouting.
No more working extra extra late for 50bucks not even 100 bucks! My family is worth more!!!
Im done with feeling sorry, depressed days, tired mornings, its not fair, living in the past, not being thankful.
I am not existing but living!
I am not fine but fantastic!
I am not a victim but a survivor!
I am going to live without regrets.
I am going to have a heart of love
show compassion
I am going to walk in truth
I am going to show kindness, not just think kind thoughts
actions speak louder than words
I am going to embrace life and all its moments, from the sweetest to the raw and griity ones.
I am not perfect, actually very flawed
Ill never live perfectly but I am more aware of what and how i want my life to be, what i desire to be what i long to become. how i want to spend my time that i have left.
I want my time to be on the mountain top, but i know to get there the journey is a raw and gritty one, but i am learning that is where the strength for the journey comes, thats where integrity is formed, where true character is defined. I have been up and down the mountain many times, too many to count. The difference now is my attitude going back up. Who will I find along the way, will i stop to wipe the sweat from their brow? Walk to find them water? Sit with them for awhile,let my heart break for theirs? or will i be focused on me and what lies ahead? i would like to use that time to unwrap a delicious white chocolate passion fruit truffel and share in the goodness of life.
Yes life is good. life is a blessing. time may be short and the journey may be a difficult one, but thats when you feel refreshment, at the end of something difficult. A cold glass of water taste so much better at the end of hike than just on a walk.
Psalm 39:5
You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;at best, each of us is but a breath.
Thank you God for this time. thank you for life and breath of another day. help me to use it wisely and not waste this precious gift, help me to see more clearly and walk in obedience to you. break my heart with what breaks yours so i may be more loving, more patient,more compassionate, help me to speak with love and not in anger, not to take my time for granit.thank you for the gritty times, never leaving me but healing, giving new life a new heart and a new perspective. amen
Friday, September 2, 2011
mr. lovebird
this is the day the LORD has made and i will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24
Today is day 7 of giving thanks every day no matter what the circumstances of life are. I have to say it's been a great week! I'm sure that over the course of 6 months it wont always be easy but thats the whole point. Do I really love God and trust him? Do I love him enough to praise him and thank him in the difficult times or only when he blesses me? I'd like to say at all times, ive walked through some very dark times in my life after i comitted my life to him and im still here. so im really hoping that its 6 months of praises!!
tonight was date night! We have been engaged for 1 1/2 months now and life is really busy! trying to sell 2 houses so we can find a home and become one family. matt is a good man. he really is a blessing . someone told me that the name matthew means gift from god. maybe i should google that! but it must be true!! he is patient and kind, genuine, loving, helpful, honest and very loving. hes funny and he makes me laugh more than anybody else in the world, wherever we are what ever we do , we have the most fun! he loves my girls like his own, he is our family.
growing up i never saw what a real family was like, at least not in my home. my family was full of lies, deceit,abuse,scandal,condemation,secrets,ridicule and cover up. actually i covered it all up with a mask i created, it had a smile and a laugh while behind it i was suffocating falling into a dark pit of dispair. by the time i was 10 i had created several masks to wear learning very quickly how to change them out and hide the other ones so no one would really know, but all the while desperately hoping someone would know and come rescue me.
i created a fantasy like most littel girls do, and knew for sure one day my prince charming would come and carry me away to his castle far far away.
while i waited i did get carried away, but it wasnt by a prince but by one false hope at a time.it was like i was swimming and the current pulled me out and everytime id get my head above water another wave would come and the current would pull me under, just getting my head above to take a breath untill i was frantically paddeling , choking, gasping for air, then exhaustion. sinking , watching everything fade to black, awakened on the shore wondering how id gotten there, how i had survived.
then out of no where here is matt. my prince. without knowing he saved me. with his patience he gave me time to heal, all the while nurturing this poor broken soul , not even sure of why. his sincere kindness and words of truth and love began to mend the broken shards of my heart. one by one the pieces where placed togehter so delicately as if he knew how easily theyd all crumble again. i had to quickly decide which of my masks to wear, i couldnt let him know what was happening inside,surely he would leave, he was a good man, i was , well i was not so good, i was worthless, unlovable. broken. i didnt want to be, but that was my truth.
he was a gift, and i almost lost it.
he is a gift and i will always treasure him and our love.
no one is perfect we all know that. fairytales are something in a book, a fantasy, we all know that too.
but i feel like my new reality is a fairytale and im rewriting the book.
i heard a song at a wedding once at part of it says
Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you I believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life
~chorus~
Oh I wonder what God was thinking,when he created you.
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because he made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me
so today i am thankful for many things, im thankful for a new life, healing and forgiveness. im thankfull for love, real true love with no alterior motives, im thankfull for matt, the love of my life.
Lord, thank you for this gift of love, thank you for second chances and new beginings, thank you for giving me courage and the ability to trust and open my heart, thank you for loving me, not just a littel but enough to sacrafice your son for me so i may live in eternity, i cant even begin to understand how but thats okay, thank you for creating matt and i so uniquely but perfect for each other, you must of gave him his large hands so he could hold mine and lift me up when i am to weak to carry on, his large shoulders to rest my head on when the day has been too much and his gentle spirit to bring calm into my day, thank you for his sense of humor so we can laugh for hours and just be silly, thank you for his love for my girls and our new found family, Lord i ask divine protection over us and a marriage for several decades to come, thank you, i love you, destiny
Today is day 7 of giving thanks every day no matter what the circumstances of life are. I have to say it's been a great week! I'm sure that over the course of 6 months it wont always be easy but thats the whole point. Do I really love God and trust him? Do I love him enough to praise him and thank him in the difficult times or only when he blesses me? I'd like to say at all times, ive walked through some very dark times in my life after i comitted my life to him and im still here. so im really hoping that its 6 months of praises!!
tonight was date night! We have been engaged for 1 1/2 months now and life is really busy! trying to sell 2 houses so we can find a home and become one family. matt is a good man. he really is a blessing . someone told me that the name matthew means gift from god. maybe i should google that! but it must be true!! he is patient and kind, genuine, loving, helpful, honest and very loving. hes funny and he makes me laugh more than anybody else in the world, wherever we are what ever we do , we have the most fun! he loves my girls like his own, he is our family.
growing up i never saw what a real family was like, at least not in my home. my family was full of lies, deceit,abuse,scandal,condemation,secrets,ridicule and cover up. actually i covered it all up with a mask i created, it had a smile and a laugh while behind it i was suffocating falling into a dark pit of dispair. by the time i was 10 i had created several masks to wear learning very quickly how to change them out and hide the other ones so no one would really know, but all the while desperately hoping someone would know and come rescue me.
i created a fantasy like most littel girls do, and knew for sure one day my prince charming would come and carry me away to his castle far far away.
while i waited i did get carried away, but it wasnt by a prince but by one false hope at a time.it was like i was swimming and the current pulled me out and everytime id get my head above water another wave would come and the current would pull me under, just getting my head above to take a breath untill i was frantically paddeling , choking, gasping for air, then exhaustion. sinking , watching everything fade to black, awakened on the shore wondering how id gotten there, how i had survived.
then out of no where here is matt. my prince. without knowing he saved me. with his patience he gave me time to heal, all the while nurturing this poor broken soul , not even sure of why. his sincere kindness and words of truth and love began to mend the broken shards of my heart. one by one the pieces where placed togehter so delicately as if he knew how easily theyd all crumble again. i had to quickly decide which of my masks to wear, i couldnt let him know what was happening inside,surely he would leave, he was a good man, i was , well i was not so good, i was worthless, unlovable. broken. i didnt want to be, but that was my truth.
he was a gift, and i almost lost it.
he is a gift and i will always treasure him and our love.
no one is perfect we all know that. fairytales are something in a book, a fantasy, we all know that too.
but i feel like my new reality is a fairytale and im rewriting the book.
i heard a song at a wedding once at part of it says
Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you I believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life
~chorus~
Oh I wonder what God was thinking,when he created you.
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because he made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me
so today i am thankful for many things, im thankful for a new life, healing and forgiveness. im thankfull for love, real true love with no alterior motives, im thankfull for matt, the love of my life.
Lord, thank you for this gift of love, thank you for second chances and new beginings, thank you for giving me courage and the ability to trust and open my heart, thank you for loving me, not just a littel but enough to sacrafice your son for me so i may live in eternity, i cant even begin to understand how but thats okay, thank you for creating matt and i so uniquely but perfect for each other, you must of gave him his large hands so he could hold mine and lift me up when i am to weak to carry on, his large shoulders to rest my head on when the day has been too much and his gentle spirit to bring calm into my day, thank you for his sense of humor so we can laugh for hours and just be silly, thank you for his love for my girls and our new found family, Lord i ask divine protection over us and a marriage for several decades to come, thank you, i love you, destiny
today i will rejoice: arms to hold and to hug
today i will rejoice: arms to hold and to hug: This is the day the Lord has made and I will REJOICE and be GLAD in it!! Psalm 118:24 Day 6 of the challenge, give thanks every day no mat...
Thursday, September 1, 2011
arms to hold and to hug
This is the day the Lord has made and I will REJOICE and be GLAD in it!! Psalm 118:24
Day 6 of the challenge, give thanks every day no matter what life brings, no mater how big or small it is.
Years ago I watched a documentary about a woman that was born without arms and she had a child and the one thing she would never experience is the feeling of holding her child in her arms. I thought wow thats to bad, kinda sad, and never really thought much about her again.
Today while driving my youngest, Estella to her great grandmas house I asked her what she was thankful for today, usually its whatever she sees, "oh that squirrel, or leaves" and my favorite, "for you mom!" But today was different she said " hmm, today I'm thankful that my grandma is alve and i get to go see her at her house" Wow! She is really growimg and changing! Her compassionate spirit is not held back! I was touched by her sincerity. I was holding her hand and i said "today Estella I'm thankful for this time in the car with you and this moment of holding your hand".
After I dropped her off and was on my way to work I was thanking God for her and Angel. Thanking Him for all these littel moments and cherished memories I have with them. As I've said before we are a very affectionate family, and we hold hands all the time. Angel still holds my hand in the car and on the couch, even on a walk. Priceless, what more could I ask for? My family is so very special to me, I never want to take these littel moments for granted again.
Then out of nowhere I thought of that woman from years ago and my heart cries out for the ache in her heart! The longing she must feel, just to know what it's like to wrap her arms around her child and just rest to the rythem of her heartbeat. I know that after a long day away from my girls, even when we are at odds with eachother, my heart longs to see them and when I come in the door I rush to them to feel there warm embrace, and I am so blessed to receive this gift not only once a day but twice.
Thank you Jesus for making my body whole and complete, this is something I never would of thought of thanking you for untill now. Thank you for my girls. i love them so very much, i still cant believe that you picked me to be there mom, what a honor. thank you for giving us all arms so we may hug eachother with this simple gesture of love , I pray for that woman and all people without arms that you would overflow them with love, let them feel your loving arms wrapped around them and that they would never feel incomplete in any way from this day forward, what a wonderful day when in the resurected life when they have new bodies with new arms and when they meet their children in heaven for the first time in a hugging embrace. Oh glorious day!!!!!!
Day 6 of the challenge, give thanks every day no matter what life brings, no mater how big or small it is.
Years ago I watched a documentary about a woman that was born without arms and she had a child and the one thing she would never experience is the feeling of holding her child in her arms. I thought wow thats to bad, kinda sad, and never really thought much about her again.
Today while driving my youngest, Estella to her great grandmas house I asked her what she was thankful for today, usually its whatever she sees, "oh that squirrel, or leaves" and my favorite, "for you mom!" But today was different she said " hmm, today I'm thankful that my grandma is alve and i get to go see her at her house" Wow! She is really growimg and changing! Her compassionate spirit is not held back! I was touched by her sincerity. I was holding her hand and i said "today Estella I'm thankful for this time in the car with you and this moment of holding your hand".
After I dropped her off and was on my way to work I was thanking God for her and Angel. Thanking Him for all these littel moments and cherished memories I have with them. As I've said before we are a very affectionate family, and we hold hands all the time. Angel still holds my hand in the car and on the couch, even on a walk. Priceless, what more could I ask for? My family is so very special to me, I never want to take these littel moments for granted again.
Then out of nowhere I thought of that woman from years ago and my heart cries out for the ache in her heart! The longing she must feel, just to know what it's like to wrap her arms around her child and just rest to the rythem of her heartbeat. I know that after a long day away from my girls, even when we are at odds with eachother, my heart longs to see them and when I come in the door I rush to them to feel there warm embrace, and I am so blessed to receive this gift not only once a day but twice.
Thank you Jesus for making my body whole and complete, this is something I never would of thought of thanking you for untill now. Thank you for my girls. i love them so very much, i still cant believe that you picked me to be there mom, what a honor. thank you for giving us all arms so we may hug eachother with this simple gesture of love , I pray for that woman and all people without arms that you would overflow them with love, let them feel your loving arms wrapped around them and that they would never feel incomplete in any way from this day forward, what a wonderful day when in the resurected life when they have new bodies with new arms and when they meet their children in heaven for the first time in a hugging embrace. Oh glorious day!!!!!!
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