mr. lovebird

this is the day the LORD has made and i will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24

Today is day 7 of giving thanks every day no matter what the circumstances of life are. I have to say it's been a great week! I'm sure that over the course of 6 months it wont always be easy but thats the whole point. Do I really love God and trust him? Do I love him enough to praise him and thank him in the difficult times or only when he blesses me? I'd like to say at all times, ive walked through some very dark times in my life after i comitted my life to him and im still here. so im really hoping that its 6 months of praises!!
tonight was date night! We have been engaged for 1 1/2 months now and life is really busy! trying to sell 2 houses so we can find a home and become one family. matt is a good man. he really is a blessing . someone told me that the name matthew means gift from god. maybe i should google that! but it must be true!! he is patient and kind, genuine, loving, helpful, honest and very loving. hes funny and he makes me laugh more than anybody else in the world, wherever we are what ever we do , we have the most fun! he loves my girls like his own, he is our family.
growing up i never saw what a real family was like, at least not in my home. my family was full of lies, deceit,abuse,scandal,condemation,secrets,ridicule and cover up. actually i covered it all up with a mask i created, it had a smile and a laugh while behind it i was suffocating falling into a dark pit of dispair. by the time i was 10 i had created several masks to wear learning very quickly how to change them out and hide the other ones so no one would really know, but all the while desperately hoping someone would know and come rescue me.
i created a fantasy like most littel girls do, and knew for sure one day my prince charming would come and carry me away to his castle far far away.
while i waited i did get carried away, but it wasnt by a prince but by one false hope at a time.it was like i was swimming and the current pulled me out and everytime id get my head above water another wave would come and the current would pull me under, just getting my head above to take a breath untill i was frantically paddeling , choking, gasping for air, then   exhaustion. sinking , watching everything fade to black, awakened on the shore wondering how id gotten there, how i had survived.

then out of no where here is matt. my prince. without knowing he saved me. with his patience he gave me time to heal, all the while nurturing this poor broken soul , not even sure of why. his sincere kindness and words of truth and love began to mend the broken shards of my heart. one by one the pieces where placed togehter so delicately as if he knew how easily theyd all crumble again. i had to quickly decide which of my masks to wear, i couldnt let him know what was happening inside,surely he would leave, he was a good man, i was , well i was not so good, i was worthless, unlovable. broken. i didnt want to be, but that was my truth.
he was a gift, and i almost lost it.
he is a gift and i will always treasure him and our love.
no one is perfect we all know that. fairytales are something in a book, a fantasy, we all know that too.
but i feel like my new reality is a fairytale and im rewriting the book.
i heard a song at a wedding once at part of it says

Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you I believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life
~chorus~
Oh I wonder what God was thinking,when he created you.
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because he made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me

so today i am thankful for many things, im thankful for a new life, healing and forgiveness. im thankfull for love, real true love with no alterior motives, im thankfull for matt, the love of my life.
Lord, thank you for this gift of love, thank you for second chances and new beginings, thank you for giving me courage and the ability to trust and open my heart, thank you for loving me, not just a littel but enough to sacrafice your son for me so i may live in eternity, i cant even begin to understand how but thats okay, thank you for creating matt and i so uniquely but perfect for each other, you must of gave him his large hands so he could hold mine and lift me up when i am to weak to carry on, his large shoulders to rest my head on when the day has been too much and his gentle spirit to bring calm into my day, thank you for his sense of humor so we can laugh for hours and just be silly, thank you for his love for my girls and our new found family, Lord i ask divine protection over us and a marriage for several decades to come, thank you, i love you, destiny