This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118
DAY 31 of giving thanks everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings.
I absolutely love Christmas! Everything about it, laughter, singing, dancing around the living room, drinking hot cocoa,playing games, carolling, kissing under the mistel toe, snow ball fights, making cookies, sleigh rides, decorating the house and scrapbooking the entire month of fun activities!
Then reality sets in. Every year since I was a littel girl this was my wish for the month of December, year after year it is nothing like this but I still dream and hope for it.
I wonder why. Why do I keep dreaming of this? Why haven't I given up?
The past few years when its time to decorate the tree the teenager throws a fit and retreats to her bedroom, the two girls fight all the way to the tree farm, if there is a sleigh ride its constant complaining about the cold, the presents are never exactly what anyone wants, the cookies go to my hips, no one agrees on games. I usually pull out the great words " everyone is going to have fun and thats an order! now smile!"
The photos look happy, they look like my hopes and dreams, anyone veiwing them would be envious of our perfect and fairytale like life,but I know the truth and it hurts. I know the fighting behind every photo and the tears I have fought to keep inside while praying just this year lord, please just this year.
I do this with life i have realized. I set up all these big expectations and hopes and I am a big dreamer. I know it wont all happen like i hope but it dosen't stop me from dreaming and for the most part I am ok when it dosen't turn out, except for Christmas, this year my prayer is "Lord just this year please, the tree is up and i look at it and it hurts because my oldest stormed off to her room, please let me look at it with joy for the memories that were created that night and not focus on the hurt and let there be many nights of laughter around it this Christmas season, bring peace to my family and healing for the hearts that are empty, bring them to my home and let them feel the warmth of your love this Christmas, that is why we celebrate, thank you."
Watching the Lampoons Christmas Vacation is one of my favorite movies. This year I realize I am Clark Grisswold. If anyone was going to write a Christmas movie about my life this would be it!
The scene when he's in bed laying next to his wife and she says "clark I know how you build all these expectations about things and christmass and i don't want you to be dissapointed" he says he dosen't know what shes talking about and never does that and as she goes on he starts kissing her so she can't talk! Funny! I do the same thing to Matt when I know he's right and I don't want to hear it! If you have seen the movie you know what happens, he has all these plans and is trying to create the perfect Christmas and everything that could go wrong does, but he never gives up, he loves his family.
Maybe this is why I am always trying to create the 'perfect' Christmas or the 'perfect' family night or the 'perfect' family diner or the 'perfect' birthday. I know nothing is perfect, we are not perfect people but very flawed people and I mess up everyday all the time, but I love life and I love my family. so here's to amother Christmas and a book full of photos that this year will be happy from the inside out. Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Day 30
This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psaml 118
I'm laying in bed and for hours now all I can hear is the sound of machine gun fire and an occasional " oh Sh!*" ! It sounds so real and yet the constant and rhymatic sound is almost lulling me to sleep.
Strange.
Somewhere else tonight is the same sound but with a different affect, it's not lulling anyone else to sleep.Quite the opposite in fact.
Matt and his video games, boys will be boys. Im still trying to win Pac Man, I'm pretty behind the times in video games I guess.
Somewhere else a woman is hiding in fear, worrying and praying for her life and for those that she loves, her Matt isn't just playing a video game.
So tonight I am simply thankfull for peace and for safety.
I'm confident that I will go to sleep and wake up with no one breaking into our home or hearing gun fire outside my window, tonight like everynight I will sleep safely in peace and make my way to the coffee pot and watch the birds out my kitchen window.
Yes, thank you Lord for safety and a peacefull nights sleep!
I'm laying in bed and for hours now all I can hear is the sound of machine gun fire and an occasional " oh Sh!*" ! It sounds so real and yet the constant and rhymatic sound is almost lulling me to sleep.
Strange.
Somewhere else tonight is the same sound but with a different affect, it's not lulling anyone else to sleep.Quite the opposite in fact.
Matt and his video games, boys will be boys. Im still trying to win Pac Man, I'm pretty behind the times in video games I guess.
Somewhere else a woman is hiding in fear, worrying and praying for her life and for those that she loves, her Matt isn't just playing a video game.
So tonight I am simply thankfull for peace and for safety.
I'm confident that I will go to sleep and wake up with no one breaking into our home or hearing gun fire outside my window, tonight like everynight I will sleep safely in peace and make my way to the coffee pot and watch the birds out my kitchen window.
Yes, thank you Lord for safety and a peacefull nights sleep!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Day 29 A thankful heart
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118
Yes I will rejoice and yes I will be glad.
Today is Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for. It seems so cliche to say my list out loud, family, friends and love.
I think of Norfreilia and her mother Johanna in Indonesia, do they have a holiday similar? If so what are they giving thanks for. Afterall they do live in poverty, not like poverty here where we have access to foodbanks and shelters, but a different kind of poverty. A place where they live in huts and catch wild chickens. What about Holga, she lives in Uguanda, she is 13 and dosen't go to school because her health is to poor, but oddly enough it's good enough to be the familys water carrier. How many miles each day dose she carry water? What would she be thankful for? The last photo I received of her she was smiling while sweeping the dirt with a bundel of sticks. Why was she smiling? When my girls sweep they use a swifter on a tiled floor and complain about how unfair they are being treated and how hard it is. I bet Holga would feel like a princess in our home of unfairness and hard work!!
It's so hard for me to comprehend the vast differences of our lives.
I am thankful I was born here in this time in this place, to me I feel like Iv'e won the lottery somehow. When I come home tired after a long day i never have to question if I'll have food to eat and plenty of it! Or clean water to drink, I just fill up a whole bath tub and emerge myself into it with a hot cup of coffee and a good book and maybe close my eyes and drift away. I never think twice of this amazing luxury that most of the world could never comprehend.
I wish I could trade with them for a day and compare notes or walk with them for a week and see. I want to see the joy they have when to us or to me it would appear they seem to have nothing, nothing to laugh about, nothing to be thankful for, nothing to really want to live for. And yet Holga is smiling a real genuine smile, her face is glowing and there is a peace that radiates from her heart and shines like the sun through her eyes.
I love these girls from two different parts of the world, we are all connected and chances are the three of us will never meet. It amazes me each time I open the mailbox and see a letter thats stamped with the words 'letter from sponsored child' accross the top.I run to the house my heart is racing with excitement to see what they have said. I feel them so close in my heart in that moment and Iv'e never met them, how can I love them so much. I guess I will never know.
Johanna, Norfeilas mom, we write as well and as I am living here in America praying for God to bless my children and keep them safe, bless my buisness and make more money, when I allready own a home and have a car and go out to eat and more clothes and shoes than I need, I read the last line of Johannas precious letter and it says" I always pray for the Lord God to bless you Mrs. Destiny Jackson" and My hands started to tremble and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Why? How? A woman in a hut in poverty praying for God to bless me? Seemed so backwards, I felt humbeled, I felt unworthy of such a prayer, I felt loved by this woman. Here we are I thought to myself two woman with girls, with a home, with faith, with compassion. We are very much the same with our different languages, different economic status, different types of housing, but we are the same.
I am anxiuosly awaiting my next letter from Johanna, I told her of my upcoming wedding and asked about her own love story and how they met and what there custom of marriage is, I wish she could be at my wedding feast and celebration this siter of mine.
Not here, not in this lifetime but one day for the marriage supper of the lamb. We will feast and dance and celebrate all the goodness of the LORD together...
Revelations 19 6-9
6 Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
“Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
8 Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear.”
(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)
9 Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.”
At least in my mind I picture it to be a celebration like a wedding, but beyond anything I could ever want or hope or dream of!!!
Johanna, Norfeila, Holga, it will be an honor and a pleasure to dance and celebrate with you all one day!! Thank you for praying for me and changing not just my life but my heart in so many ways! May the Lord bless you and keep you,his face shine upon you, goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your lives!!!!
Yes I will rejoice and yes I will be glad.
Today is Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for. It seems so cliche to say my list out loud, family, friends and love.
I think of Norfreilia and her mother Johanna in Indonesia, do they have a holiday similar? If so what are they giving thanks for. Afterall they do live in poverty, not like poverty here where we have access to foodbanks and shelters, but a different kind of poverty. A place where they live in huts and catch wild chickens. What about Holga, she lives in Uguanda, she is 13 and dosen't go to school because her health is to poor, but oddly enough it's good enough to be the familys water carrier. How many miles each day dose she carry water? What would she be thankful for? The last photo I received of her she was smiling while sweeping the dirt with a bundel of sticks. Why was she smiling? When my girls sweep they use a swifter on a tiled floor and complain about how unfair they are being treated and how hard it is. I bet Holga would feel like a princess in our home of unfairness and hard work!!
It's so hard for me to comprehend the vast differences of our lives.
I am thankful I was born here in this time in this place, to me I feel like Iv'e won the lottery somehow. When I come home tired after a long day i never have to question if I'll have food to eat and plenty of it! Or clean water to drink, I just fill up a whole bath tub and emerge myself into it with a hot cup of coffee and a good book and maybe close my eyes and drift away. I never think twice of this amazing luxury that most of the world could never comprehend.
I wish I could trade with them for a day and compare notes or walk with them for a week and see. I want to see the joy they have when to us or to me it would appear they seem to have nothing, nothing to laugh about, nothing to be thankful for, nothing to really want to live for. And yet Holga is smiling a real genuine smile, her face is glowing and there is a peace that radiates from her heart and shines like the sun through her eyes.
I love these girls from two different parts of the world, we are all connected and chances are the three of us will never meet. It amazes me each time I open the mailbox and see a letter thats stamped with the words 'letter from sponsored child' accross the top.I run to the house my heart is racing with excitement to see what they have said. I feel them so close in my heart in that moment and Iv'e never met them, how can I love them so much. I guess I will never know.
Johanna, Norfeilas mom, we write as well and as I am living here in America praying for God to bless my children and keep them safe, bless my buisness and make more money, when I allready own a home and have a car and go out to eat and more clothes and shoes than I need, I read the last line of Johannas precious letter and it says" I always pray for the Lord God to bless you Mrs. Destiny Jackson" and My hands started to tremble and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Why? How? A woman in a hut in poverty praying for God to bless me? Seemed so backwards, I felt humbeled, I felt unworthy of such a prayer, I felt loved by this woman. Here we are I thought to myself two woman with girls, with a home, with faith, with compassion. We are very much the same with our different languages, different economic status, different types of housing, but we are the same.
I am anxiuosly awaiting my next letter from Johanna, I told her of my upcoming wedding and asked about her own love story and how they met and what there custom of marriage is, I wish she could be at my wedding feast and celebration this siter of mine.
Not here, not in this lifetime but one day for the marriage supper of the lamb. We will feast and dance and celebrate all the goodness of the LORD together...
Revelations 19 6-9
6 Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
“Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
8 Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear.”
(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)
9 Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.”
At least in my mind I picture it to be a celebration like a wedding, but beyond anything I could ever want or hope or dream of!!!
Johanna, Norfeila, Holga, it will be an honor and a pleasure to dance and celebrate with you all one day!! Thank you for praying for me and changing not just my life but my heart in so many ways! May the Lord bless you and keep you,his face shine upon you, goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your lives!!!!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Day 28 the wounded soul
This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118
Day 28
Im going to give thanks and praise to God every day for 6 months no matter what life brings,
This is my challenge to myself. Some days it's easy , others not, and some days seem ordinary with nothing really that special. I guess that is what part of the challenge is.
Lately I seem to be very emotional, more sensitive to others than ordinary. Awhile back you may remember I prayed several times for God to break my heart for what breaks his and to really look into the eyes of others around me and feel . Feel their sorrow, feel their pain, feel their happiness, laugh with them, cry with them.
I have a new friend. my new friend barely speaks english. She is always smiling but I see something more when I look into her eyes, something familiar. I know that smile, it's the same smile I have used. The mask that hides the wounded soul. We see it every day on different people and it's so easy to overlook. Untill you stop and say hello, and look and see.
I see beauty, I see pain, I see happiness to have someone to share with, i see a life that has lived a million hurts, and shared a thousand laughs, and a heart that grieves for a love that has betrayed.
Shattered.Broken. Bruised.Despair.Lonliness.Wondering why.
Tangled together in a beautiful mess.
The mask that hides the wounded soul slowly begins to crack, and another smile fills the holes, untill she slowly fades away not knowing who is looking back at the reflection in the mirror.
I share her tears as I try to understand her broken english and in my spirit I pray and ask for understanding and a way to communicate.
Our languages may be different, our faiths our different, but none of that matters. Our masks are the same,our pain is familiar. My heart breaks for her and I wonder why, why do we have to hurt, why do we have to suffer injustice.
We are women from different walks of life but yet I feel like we are walking down the same path in this life. So for now I just want to be a friend and listen. I'm trying to learn some basic phrases of her language but I'm not so good at it! I think she knows i mean well!
I want to help her chisel her mask off one peice at a time, untill it begins to crumble one layer at a time, to reveal the true beauty that lies beneath the sorrow in her eyes, i know the feeling of relief when the weight has been removed and peace within radiates from the depth of my very soul.
Day 28
Im going to give thanks and praise to God every day for 6 months no matter what life brings,
This is my challenge to myself. Some days it's easy , others not, and some days seem ordinary with nothing really that special. I guess that is what part of the challenge is.
Lately I seem to be very emotional, more sensitive to others than ordinary. Awhile back you may remember I prayed several times for God to break my heart for what breaks his and to really look into the eyes of others around me and feel . Feel their sorrow, feel their pain, feel their happiness, laugh with them, cry with them.
I have a new friend. my new friend barely speaks english. She is always smiling but I see something more when I look into her eyes, something familiar. I know that smile, it's the same smile I have used. The mask that hides the wounded soul. We see it every day on different people and it's so easy to overlook. Untill you stop and say hello, and look and see.
I see beauty, I see pain, I see happiness to have someone to share with, i see a life that has lived a million hurts, and shared a thousand laughs, and a heart that grieves for a love that has betrayed.
Shattered.Broken. Bruised.Despair.Lonliness.Wondering why.
Tangled together in a beautiful mess.
The mask that hides the wounded soul slowly begins to crack, and another smile fills the holes, untill she slowly fades away not knowing who is looking back at the reflection in the mirror.
I share her tears as I try to understand her broken english and in my spirit I pray and ask for understanding and a way to communicate.
Our languages may be different, our faiths our different, but none of that matters. Our masks are the same,our pain is familiar. My heart breaks for her and I wonder why, why do we have to hurt, why do we have to suffer injustice.
We are women from different walks of life but yet I feel like we are walking down the same path in this life. So for now I just want to be a friend and listen. I'm trying to learn some basic phrases of her language but I'm not so good at it! I think she knows i mean well!
I want to help her chisel her mask off one peice at a time, untill it begins to crumble one layer at a time, to reveal the true beauty that lies beneath the sorrow in her eyes, i know the feeling of relief when the weight has been removed and peace within radiates from the depth of my very soul.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Day 27 Feels good
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118
Feels good to be back. Maybe because I'm all cozzied up in my bed with my favorite blankets and a hot fresh ground coffee. Maybe it's because this is the first blog post from my new home. Maybe its the smell of cinnamon rolls drifting from the kitchen. Just feels good to be here.
It'sbeen about a month or so , the hardest part of this 6 month challenge isn't finding a reason to be thankful but finding the time to write about it. So lets do a quick overlook shall we.
Matt sold his house, Praise God! Mine has not sold yet, so keep praying with me! We bought a new one, still in process of setteling in and marging 2 families into one. The wedding date has been set, December 22 , 20111.
My creative brain is on overload, new projects on the way!
My lap top broke.
We had our first arguement, after 3 years I guess it was time!
My children lost their minds for a brief time, but they are back now!
And of course the beautiful wedding gown I purchased was a limited edition and only one size was avaialable and instead of loosing 10 pounds to have it fit perfect I've gained 3! so now I need to loose 13 pounds in the next 30 days, hmm I may need to find an alterations specialist soon!
So in all this what am I choosing to give thanks for ?
I am thankful God has blessed me so over abundantly, not with things, even though He is, but with love. There is love all around me, in my home, my job, a kind word from a stranger, friendships that are blossoming and growing, and love from my Father. He is granting me the desires of my heart . He is pouring out his blessings and goodness upon me! He is faithful in his word and with his promises, and I sometimes fwel so unworthy of Him and his gifts. My heart and my brain are two different things. But the truth is , I am worthy, I am loved, I am redeemed. I am not perfect but I will always be loved and nothing can seperate me from the love of Christ.
I encourage you to read the rest of this Psalm. I am done comparing myself to others and their success to mine and even my failures. It feels good to know there is justice to those who cause harm and forgiveness for those who turn around. It feels good just to bask in the presence of the Lord and not just know I am loved but to feel that I am loved.
Today is a good day and it's just begining!!
Feels good to be back. Maybe because I'm all cozzied up in my bed with my favorite blankets and a hot fresh ground coffee. Maybe it's because this is the first blog post from my new home. Maybe its the smell of cinnamon rolls drifting from the kitchen. Just feels good to be here.
It'sbeen about a month or so , the hardest part of this 6 month challenge isn't finding a reason to be thankful but finding the time to write about it. So lets do a quick overlook shall we.
Matt sold his house, Praise God! Mine has not sold yet, so keep praying with me! We bought a new one, still in process of setteling in and marging 2 families into one. The wedding date has been set, December 22 , 20111.
My creative brain is on overload, new projects on the way!
My lap top broke.
We had our first arguement, after 3 years I guess it was time!
My children lost their minds for a brief time, but they are back now!
And of course the beautiful wedding gown I purchased was a limited edition and only one size was avaialable and instead of loosing 10 pounds to have it fit perfect I've gained 3! so now I need to loose 13 pounds in the next 30 days, hmm I may need to find an alterations specialist soon!
So in all this what am I choosing to give thanks for ?
I am thankful God has blessed me so over abundantly, not with things, even though He is, but with love. There is love all around me, in my home, my job, a kind word from a stranger, friendships that are blossoming and growing, and love from my Father. He is granting me the desires of my heart . He is pouring out his blessings and goodness upon me! He is faithful in his word and with his promises, and I sometimes fwel so unworthy of Him and his gifts. My heart and my brain are two different things. But the truth is , I am worthy, I am loved, I am redeemed. I am not perfect but I will always be loved and nothing can seperate me from the love of Christ.
 Psalm 37a Of David. 1Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; 2for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. 3Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 4Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: 6He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. 7Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. 8Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. 9For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land. 10A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found. 11But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace. 12The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; 13but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming. | |||
I encourage you to read the rest of this Psalm. I am done comparing myself to others and their success to mine and even my failures. It feels good to know there is justice to those who cause harm and forgiveness for those who turn around. It feels good just to bask in the presence of the Lord and not just know I am loved but to feel that I am loved.
Today is a good day and it's just begining!!
Monday, October 10, 2011
today i will rejoice: today i will rejoice: Day 25 Renew
today i will rejoice: today i will rejoice: Day 25 Renew: today i will rejoice: Day 25 Renew : This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24 Day 25 Of daily ch...
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Day 26 winds of change
This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24
Day 26 Giving thanks everyday no matter what life brings for 6 months
It's a beautiful day. I can hear it before my eyes open, birds chirping outside, I can hear the wind blowing. I think someone poured concrete in my eyes because they wont open yet! Coffe. If I can just get to the kitchen!So I lay there listening to the world outside my window. I wonder what it's like to be a bird, what are they saying, what are they planning to do for the day.
Estella comes sleepily into my room, ahhhh, my favorite thing in the world, cuddel time with the girls, wish Angel was here too. I wish there was no school or work today, i wish we could lay here and cuddel and talk for hours,but time to get up, 6:30 am is ridiculous I think.
Walking out to the buss stop we say Psalm 118 everyday, have ever since Angel was a littel girl. Today Estella is thankful for being on time! I say I am thankful for the time we had this morning and lots of hugs and kisses! She giggels and says she is too and throws her arms around me for another big hug. We talk about the birds singing and joke that it's a boy bird singing to the pretty girl bird to make her fall in love with him! Then more laughter because we call Matt Mr.Lovebird.
As she gets on the bus and we wave one last time my heart is overflowing with emotion and I pray for the bus driver that he is safe and there will never be an accident, I don't know why but suddenly I was caught off guard by the fear of loosing her. What if that was our last morning?What if that was our last cuddel? Or last walk?
As soon as the thoughts came,I rebuked them. I think of the verse from Jeremiah " For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord,plans to prosper you,plans not to harm you, but plans to give you hope and a future" 29:11
The Lord is good and I trust him.
I walk home and am amazed at the beauty of the changing leaves all around me, wondering if everyone on my street had a wondeful morning as me. Did they have the time with their kids that I did? Did they hang on to every second? Do they ever think of the what ifs? and if they do does it make them appeciate the littel things more?
I feel this emotion rising up inside of me waiting to burst! I want everyone on my street everyone on my block to feel this rush of love. I want them to realize that just like the changing leaves our children are changing and they are vibrant today but soon the wind will come and the season will change and the tress will be bear and just like my precious girls , entering a new season of life.
I come into the house and pour Angel a fresh coffee and bring it to her room, I really don't have time, I need to get ready for work myself, but I really didn't have the time not to, tomorrow it wont matter if my hair wasn't perfectly placed, what matters now is that moment in wishing her a wonderful day and kissing her sweet face as she wipes the sleep from her eyes and says "thank you for the coffee mom, i'm really tired, i have a test today, oh and i love you so much" I love you more than anything i tell her, and i do, i love them both more than anything in the world and even if i live to be 100 years old, it wont be long enough to tell them I love them, and I wont be able to give them all the littel kisses I want and i'm sure on my last breath I'll ask for one more hug and breathe my last with a kiss on their cheek.
Today I am thankful for realizing the importance of the moment. I am thankful I am learning not to take these littel moments for granted and treasuring each one of them like the jewel it is, priceless.
Thank you Lord so much for understanding what is truly important, sooner than later, help me continue to keep my prorities straight, help to guide my words and actions in love always, protect these girls from all that is harmful, all that is evil in this world, may they always see the beauty and the gifts all around them, may they realize sooner than later to hang onto these littel moments, because as soon as the leaves turn the wind comes and blows them away we are left with a memory, let that memory be beautiful. Thank you again, bless us with a long healthy life together to praise you. Amen
Day 26 Giving thanks everyday no matter what life brings for 6 months
It's a beautiful day. I can hear it before my eyes open, birds chirping outside, I can hear the wind blowing. I think someone poured concrete in my eyes because they wont open yet! Coffe. If I can just get to the kitchen!So I lay there listening to the world outside my window. I wonder what it's like to be a bird, what are they saying, what are they planning to do for the day.
Estella comes sleepily into my room, ahhhh, my favorite thing in the world, cuddel time with the girls, wish Angel was here too. I wish there was no school or work today, i wish we could lay here and cuddel and talk for hours,but time to get up, 6:30 am is ridiculous I think.
Walking out to the buss stop we say Psalm 118 everyday, have ever since Angel was a littel girl. Today Estella is thankful for being on time! I say I am thankful for the time we had this morning and lots of hugs and kisses! She giggels and says she is too and throws her arms around me for another big hug. We talk about the birds singing and joke that it's a boy bird singing to the pretty girl bird to make her fall in love with him! Then more laughter because we call Matt Mr.Lovebird.
As she gets on the bus and we wave one last time my heart is overflowing with emotion and I pray for the bus driver that he is safe and there will never be an accident, I don't know why but suddenly I was caught off guard by the fear of loosing her. What if that was our last morning?What if that was our last cuddel? Or last walk?
As soon as the thoughts came,I rebuked them. I think of the verse from Jeremiah " For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord,plans to prosper you,plans not to harm you, but plans to give you hope and a future" 29:11
The Lord is good and I trust him.
I walk home and am amazed at the beauty of the changing leaves all around me, wondering if everyone on my street had a wondeful morning as me. Did they have the time with their kids that I did? Did they hang on to every second? Do they ever think of the what ifs? and if they do does it make them appeciate the littel things more?
I feel this emotion rising up inside of me waiting to burst! I want everyone on my street everyone on my block to feel this rush of love. I want them to realize that just like the changing leaves our children are changing and they are vibrant today but soon the wind will come and the season will change and the tress will be bear and just like my precious girls , entering a new season of life.
I come into the house and pour Angel a fresh coffee and bring it to her room, I really don't have time, I need to get ready for work myself, but I really didn't have the time not to, tomorrow it wont matter if my hair wasn't perfectly placed, what matters now is that moment in wishing her a wonderful day and kissing her sweet face as she wipes the sleep from her eyes and says "thank you for the coffee mom, i'm really tired, i have a test today, oh and i love you so much" I love you more than anything i tell her, and i do, i love them both more than anything in the world and even if i live to be 100 years old, it wont be long enough to tell them I love them, and I wont be able to give them all the littel kisses I want and i'm sure on my last breath I'll ask for one more hug and breathe my last with a kiss on their cheek.
Today I am thankful for realizing the importance of the moment. I am thankful I am learning not to take these littel moments for granted and treasuring each one of them like the jewel it is, priceless.
Thank you Lord so much for understanding what is truly important, sooner than later, help me continue to keep my prorities straight, help to guide my words and actions in love always, protect these girls from all that is harmful, all that is evil in this world, may they always see the beauty and the gifts all around them, may they realize sooner than later to hang onto these littel moments, because as soon as the leaves turn the wind comes and blows them away we are left with a memory, let that memory be beautiful. Thank you again, bless us with a long healthy life together to praise you. Amen
Thursday, October 6, 2011
today i will rejoice: Day 25 Renew
today i will rejoice: Day 25 Renew: This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24 Day 25 Of daily challenge to give thanks and praise ...
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Day 25 Renew
This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24
Day 25 Of daily challenge to give thanks and praise everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings.
Yesterday was a great day, I had the opportunity to sit and listen to a good friend whos heart is broken. Not that it's good that she is so wounded by life, but good because she trust me, good because I paused and set my stuff down and listened with full attention and allowed my heart to break with hers. Good because Iv'e been praying for many years to not let my heart be hardened by the pain of my past, and to always feel. Really feel and be compassionate , not just in saying it but helping to carry the burdeon of loss.
I think back to my other blog I have called A JOURNEY WITH DESTINY , yes you can read it, it's very different from this and I encourage you to read it and share it with your friends.
Anyway I feel like I've been living on top of the mountain even with the buisyness of my life. Im up there on the mountain enyoing the goodness of God and his grace.
But there comes a time when you have to journey down the mountain to pick up a friend, I have journeyed down the mountain alone, actually I have fallen over the cliff and landed at the bottom in a dark and desolate pit and I don't want my friend to be there alone, it's a very scary place.
So toay is a good day. God has given me the strenght and the courage to go to this place and meet my friend there. I see her crumpled in the dirt, facce caked with mud, to week to even shed another tear, too broken to lift her face to the sky and feel the warmth of the Son.
So pray with me, pray for healing, pray for new life, pray for courage so she can live again. Pray she has the strenght to rise up and make the journey with me to the top of the mountain.
Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
There is an abundance at the mountain top, please wont you journey with us so we may all taste the delcious fruit from the tree and celebrate together.
I am thankful for friendships.Compassion.Love.I am thankful for healing.
Lord I come before you this morning and praise you for the beauty of today, thank you for the warm sun in october and the chatter of the squirrels outside. Thank you for wanting to hear our prayers,wanting to listen to me, I find it amazing that the God who created the entire universe actually cares enough about me and what I think! Please please please let my friend feel you all around her today, let her feel love, give her the strenght for today, strenght for the moment, heal her brokenness and renew her life! thank you god! I know you can do it! amen
Day 25 Of daily challenge to give thanks and praise everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings.
Yesterday was a great day, I had the opportunity to sit and listen to a good friend whos heart is broken. Not that it's good that she is so wounded by life, but good because she trust me, good because I paused and set my stuff down and listened with full attention and allowed my heart to break with hers. Good because Iv'e been praying for many years to not let my heart be hardened by the pain of my past, and to always feel. Really feel and be compassionate , not just in saying it but helping to carry the burdeon of loss.
I think back to my other blog I have called A JOURNEY WITH DESTINY , yes you can read it, it's very different from this and I encourage you to read it and share it with your friends.
Anyway I feel like I've been living on top of the mountain even with the buisyness of my life. Im up there on the mountain enyoing the goodness of God and his grace.
But there comes a time when you have to journey down the mountain to pick up a friend, I have journeyed down the mountain alone, actually I have fallen over the cliff and landed at the bottom in a dark and desolate pit and I don't want my friend to be there alone, it's a very scary place.
So toay is a good day. God has given me the strenght and the courage to go to this place and meet my friend there. I see her crumpled in the dirt, facce caked with mud, to week to even shed another tear, too broken to lift her face to the sky and feel the warmth of the Son.
So pray with me, pray for healing, pray for new life, pray for courage so she can live again. Pray she has the strenght to rise up and make the journey with me to the top of the mountain.
Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
There is an abundance at the mountain top, please wont you journey with us so we may all taste the delcious fruit from the tree and celebrate together.
I am thankful for friendships.Compassion.Love.I am thankful for healing.
Lord I come before you this morning and praise you for the beauty of today, thank you for the warm sun in october and the chatter of the squirrels outside. Thank you for wanting to hear our prayers,wanting to listen to me, I find it amazing that the God who created the entire universe actually cares enough about me and what I think! Please please please let my friend feel you all around her today, let her feel love, give her the strenght for today, strenght for the moment, heal her brokenness and renew her life! thank you god! I know you can do it! amen
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Day 16-24 and a few more, All a Blurr
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.Psalm 118:24
My daily blog for 6 months on rejoicing everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings. It seems to be one long day of 8 days of creativity and craziness!
After coming back from the art retreat and playing with the idea of a butterfly I have been busy flapping these littel wings everywhere.
So the days continue to stretch into one and I didn't keep my word to myself for my daily blog.
LIFE
Let's see, art retreat, extension training/certification, house for sale, packing, organizing, looked at 54 houses, creative time in my art studio, work, coffe with friends, but most importantly time with family.
I have a ton of different projects going on, many changes, alll good, expanding my carreer oh and trying to figure out a wedding date and a place!
WHEW
This littel butterfly is tired!!
I am thankful that the lord has blessed me with so much! I am thankful he has given me the gift of creativity but I think what I am most thankful for during these 2 weeks of bussiness is rest. I had 2 naps this weekend, while traveling, one was in the car, but a nap either way! I just needed a littel down time and now after I make another cup of coffee and relax in the bath, I will emerge ready for flight for another amazing day!
I know everything will fall into place around me as it always does, another blessing from the Lord I know, so as I fly around doing my part I know without a doubt he is doing his part.
Thank you Lord for life, even when it's busy, I am reminded that some people don't have the strenght to get out of bed, or have a job or have children, or friends to have coffee with. Alot of people aren't blessed with my everyday conviences like clean water for a relaxing bath much less clean water for them and their children to drink to stay alive, some don't have a bed to take a nap much less a safe nights sleep,and i complain about the uncomfortable car to sleep in, shame on me. Forgive my selfishness and give me a more compassionate heart and guide me in the directon to be your hands and feet to spread love to all those I see, that's the most important thing above all else I do chor 13:1 ...and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal... I do not want to only be noise to the world but part of a beautiful song. amen
My daily blog for 6 months on rejoicing everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings. It seems to be one long day of 8 days of creativity and craziness!
After coming back from the art retreat and playing with the idea of a butterfly I have been busy flapping these littel wings everywhere.
So the days continue to stretch into one and I didn't keep my word to myself for my daily blog.
LIFE
Let's see, art retreat, extension training/certification, house for sale, packing, organizing, looked at 54 houses, creative time in my art studio, work, coffe with friends, but most importantly time with family.
I have a ton of different projects going on, many changes, alll good, expanding my carreer oh and trying to figure out a wedding date and a place!
WHEW
This littel butterfly is tired!!
I am thankful that the lord has blessed me with so much! I am thankful he has given me the gift of creativity but I think what I am most thankful for during these 2 weeks of bussiness is rest. I had 2 naps this weekend, while traveling, one was in the car, but a nap either way! I just needed a littel down time and now after I make another cup of coffee and relax in the bath, I will emerge ready for flight for another amazing day!
I know everything will fall into place around me as it always does, another blessing from the Lord I know, so as I fly around doing my part I know without a doubt he is doing his part.
Thank you Lord for life, even when it's busy, I am reminded that some people don't have the strenght to get out of bed, or have a job or have children, or friends to have coffee with. Alot of people aren't blessed with my everyday conviences like clean water for a relaxing bath much less clean water for them and their children to drink to stay alive, some don't have a bed to take a nap much less a safe nights sleep,and i complain about the uncomfortable car to sleep in, shame on me. Forgive my selfishness and give me a more compassionate heart and guide me in the directon to be your hands and feet to spread love to all those I see, that's the most important thing above all else I do chor 13:1 ...and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal... I do not want to only be noise to the world but part of a beautiful song. amen
Sunday, September 18, 2011
DAY 15 I am a BUTTERFLY!!!!
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 15
I promised my self I wouldnt miss a day, excuse. 3 days at an art retreat and I was exhausted! Excuse over!
Driving home at midnight I was thinking out loud or talking to myself what I was going to blog about. I know , CRAZY right? Me a plan!?! I was so bummed that i c.didn't have the energy to do it, so heres waht I was thinki ng.
I learned so much about myself at this art convention, more than I thought.I took alot of notes, wrote a lot of words, just words that popped in my head and stuff.
When I was a littel girl i had ideas, alot. all the time. But they were always hidden in my head, when I did try to bring them out, I was told no.I was stupid, be realistic and so on. I;m sure alot of you can relate. So afraid of more rejection i kept putting them in littel boxes in my head,then to paper and wrote and drew as a child.
Long story short as an adult these ideas and creative impulses came back and I embraced it! I found myself!
I loved everybit of it! then I was married and he HATED i was an artist and just like a child I started to withdraw and stop what I loved and decided not to even put these ideas in a littel box in my head, what for, they were pointless, and it felt like another loss.
Then slowly after the divorce the boxes started to open like littel presents long forgotten in a closet. And when they did they started falling out faster than i could unwrap them!
Funny how at the same time I was (and still am) in a reltionship with someone who is intrigued and supports my art, even when he dosent understand it, he loves it because he loves me!
So I realize Im a buttterfly. I always have been. Abig bright yellow, pink and purple butterfly. But I didnt know. I still thought 'i was a catapillar. I was afraid of what the world and everyone around me wolud think when they saw me open my wings, and what if they wouldnt fly, what if no one liked the bright loud colors of my wings, but really what if they saw the littel rips in my wings, and knew, what if they really knew i was afraid to fly. so I would test it out when no one was aware, and when I did I was the happiest.always still sad inside because i really wanted to be the butterfly but felt oddly comfortable as the catapillar.
But now I know I AM A BUTTERFLY!!!!!!! I was mesant to fly!!!!! AND fly I will!
Today I am thankful not just for my shimmer wings but thankful they have the littel rips and holes in them ,its simply just part of my journey and I am not ashamed! I AM A BUTTERFLY!
Thank you God for creativity and art and thank you for starting me out as a catapillar and taking the time to transform me and color my wings exactly like you wanted!
Day 15
I promised my self I wouldnt miss a day, excuse. 3 days at an art retreat and I was exhausted! Excuse over!
Driving home at midnight I was thinking out loud or talking to myself what I was going to blog about. I know , CRAZY right? Me a plan!?! I was so bummed that i c.didn't have the energy to do it, so heres waht I was thinki ng.
I learned so much about myself at this art convention, more than I thought.I took alot of notes, wrote a lot of words, just words that popped in my head and stuff.
When I was a littel girl i had ideas, alot. all the time. But they were always hidden in my head, when I did try to bring them out, I was told no.I was stupid, be realistic and so on. I;m sure alot of you can relate. So afraid of more rejection i kept putting them in littel boxes in my head,then to paper and wrote and drew as a child.
Long story short as an adult these ideas and creative impulses came back and I embraced it! I found myself!
I loved everybit of it! then I was married and he HATED i was an artist and just like a child I started to withdraw and stop what I loved and decided not to even put these ideas in a littel box in my head, what for, they were pointless, and it felt like another loss.
Then slowly after the divorce the boxes started to open like littel presents long forgotten in a closet. And when they did they started falling out faster than i could unwrap them!
Funny how at the same time I was (and still am) in a reltionship with someone who is intrigued and supports my art, even when he dosent understand it, he loves it because he loves me!
So I realize Im a buttterfly. I always have been. Abig bright yellow, pink and purple butterfly. But I didnt know. I still thought 'i was a catapillar. I was afraid of what the world and everyone around me wolud think when they saw me open my wings, and what if they wouldnt fly, what if no one liked the bright loud colors of my wings, but really what if they saw the littel rips in my wings, and knew, what if they really knew i was afraid to fly. so I would test it out when no one was aware, and when I did I was the happiest.always still sad inside because i really wanted to be the butterfly but felt oddly comfortable as the catapillar.
But now I know I AM A BUTTERFLY!!!!!!! I was mesant to fly!!!!! AND fly I will!
Today I am thankful not just for my shimmer wings but thankful they have the littel rips and holes in them ,its simply just part of my journey and I am not ashamed! I AM A BUTTERFLY!
Thank you God for creativity and art and thank you for starting me out as a catapillar and taking the time to transform me and color my wings exactly like you wanted!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Day 14 WINNER
This is the day the Lord has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 14 of the challenge to give thanks everyday, dosent really seem like a challenge so much today. Im at The Creative Connection, 3 day art retreat in St.Paul!!!!! Im learning ALOT!!!! And thats not even the start!
I even WON the big prize! I won a Crickett!!!!! Whooohooooo!
Why is winning so fun?Why does it make me feel so important to win, to be a winner? What makes me a winner? In my eyes or your eyes? Should it really matter?
Money. does that make me a winner? well i suppose to some it would. Beauty, does that make the cut? Well beauty is fleeting and I havent colored ,my roots in awhile. Perfect kids?Well Id be a magician then!( they are pretty amazing though!)Success in my buisness? well not if its at the sacrafice of missing out on my family and all the memories we are creating.
I guess its a choice we have. We all have free will, we were born with it. I can chose not to be a winner if I chose to lie, cheat,steal. I dont want to lie to myself anymore, i dont want to cheat my girls and fiance out of precious time and memories, i don't want to steal the goodness and the authenticity of this life Iv'e been given, not even for another day.
I choose to be a winner! Not just today because i won a prize for my art room, but because I've allready been given the most fantastic prize!
Life. its a beautiful story, my story. mine to share and to grow.
so im planting littel seeds everywhere i go. By choosing to laugh in the rain, and dance in the ashes where my heart once was,choossing to live with my eyes wide open on blind faith.
thank you lord for giving me the most amazing gift, one so agonizing yet beautiful, the gift of your Son Jesus. i am so thankful I have accepted this gift, lord i want desperatley everyone I know to have this joy, this peace. thank you for never leaving. Amen
Day 14 of the challenge to give thanks everyday, dosent really seem like a challenge so much today. Im at The Creative Connection, 3 day art retreat in St.Paul!!!!! Im learning ALOT!!!! And thats not even the start!
I even WON the big prize! I won a Crickett!!!!! Whooohooooo!
Why is winning so fun?Why does it make me feel so important to win, to be a winner? What makes me a winner? In my eyes or your eyes? Should it really matter?
Money. does that make me a winner? well i suppose to some it would. Beauty, does that make the cut? Well beauty is fleeting and I havent colored ,my roots in awhile. Perfect kids?Well Id be a magician then!( they are pretty amazing though!)Success in my buisness? well not if its at the sacrafice of missing out on my family and all the memories we are creating.
I guess its a choice we have. We all have free will, we were born with it. I can chose not to be a winner if I chose to lie, cheat,steal. I dont want to lie to myself anymore, i dont want to cheat my girls and fiance out of precious time and memories, i don't want to steal the goodness and the authenticity of this life Iv'e been given, not even for another day.
I choose to be a winner! Not just today because i won a prize for my art room, but because I've allready been given the most fantastic prize!
Life. its a beautiful story, my story. mine to share and to grow.
so im planting littel seeds everywhere i go. By choosing to laugh in the rain, and dance in the ashes where my heart once was,choossing to live with my eyes wide open on blind faith.
thank you lord for giving me the most amazing gift, one so agonizing yet beautiful, the gift of your Son Jesus. i am so thankful I have accepted this gift, lord i want desperatley everyone I know to have this joy, this peace. thank you for never leaving. Amen
Thursday, September 15, 2011
journeywithdestiny: Day 13 under my skin
journeywithdestiny: Day 13 under my skin: This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 Day 13 Giving thanks everyday( even in the small thin...
Day 13 under my skin
Day 13 under my skin
This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 13
Giving thanks everyday( even in the small things) whatever life brings.
Yes. I know, really behind AGAIN! but this is a new day and after a full day at aconference on blogging, i realize I really LOVE blogging! So I am going to not miss my daily blog, anymore!
Today I am thankful for creativity and fun and laughter. I am surrounded by artist this weekend and like all people we have a story, a journey, we all conect somehow.
We connect in person or through stories and sometimes secrets. Secrets that are shouting louder and louder and yet they go unheard.
My story.what is it really? what am i? who am I? I talk about that in my bio, but its really on my heart tonight. Sometimes I feel like one thing and others another. I assume thats normal, but do i really want to be normal? Hmmmm
How do I want to be known? As a mom? thats very general and to most probably boring. A hairdresser? Well I love mycareer but as my identity? Friend? Yes I am a friend, but I think I need more. Not a description but really Who am I?
Me, Destiny. I am a survivor, abused as a child. But do I want to be branded that way? Seems so taboo. But what I have been learning and discovering is what I have been through, has shaped and molded who I have become and that keeps changing and evolving too. I really have started to like me. But I dont have a LIKE button.!( And i think I am pretty funny sometimes!)
I love to write, I love words, I like paper, collaging,journaling,painting,But i do it best and freely about pain,suffering,overcoming.
Shame. Sometimes I have a fear of feeling shame, what will people think of me if they know? What will you think?What would you say to me or behind me if you knew my 'real' story.
under my skin
raw gritty blood
flows through my veins
pulsating heat
shadows in my head
burn into my eyes
If I was home I wouldpaint this. Thats what I do, paint my fear. paint my past, paint my story. I paint whats under my skin. Its what i know.
You can follow my other blog ajourneywithdestiny as well , I like to keep this one for rejoicing and the other, well it is the other side of me, and now twitter. this will be interesting.
Just know that I am a real person with real feelings and I understand more than you think. do you really want to know whats under my skin? Then follow me on this journey and take me with you on yours and together we can survive and breathe knowing that the sunrise is just peeking over the mountain and we dont want to miss it.
Thank you God so much for my story, how i wish i would never of had to endure and suffer the agony i have, how i wish no one ever had to, but thank you for giving me courage and a heart to feel and a canvas to paint any way i want, help me to continually heal and feel free of shame, amen
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Day 13
Giving thanks everyday( even in the small things) whatever life brings.
Yes. I know, really behind AGAIN! but this is a new day and after a full day at a
Today I am thankful for creativity and fun and laughter. I am surrounded by artist this weekend and like all people we have a story, a journey, we all conect somehow.
We connect in person or through stories and sometimes secrets. Secrets that are shouting louder and louder and yet they go unheard.
My story.what is it really? what am i? who am I? I talk about that in my bio, but its really on my heart tonight. Sometimes I feel like one thing and others another. I assume thats normal, but do i really want to be normal? Hmmmm
How do I want to be known? As a mom? thats very general and to most probably boring. A hairdresser? Well I love my
Me, Destiny. I am a survivor, abused as a child. But do I want to be branded that way? Seems so taboo. But what I have been learning and discovering is what I have been through, has shaped and molded who I have become and that keeps changing and evolving too. I really have started to like me. But I dont have a LIKE button.!( And i think I am pretty funny sometimes!)
I love to write, I love words, I like paper, collaging,journaling,painting,But i do it best and freely about pain,suffering,overcoming.
Shame. Sometimes I have a fear of feeling shame, what will people think of me if they know? What will you think?What would you say to me or behind me if you knew my 'real' story.
under my skin
raw gritty blood
flows through my veins
pulsating heat
shadows in my head
burn into my eyes
If I was home I would
You can follow my other blog ajourneywithdestiny as well , I like to keep this one for rejoicing and the other, well it is the other side of me, and now twitter. this will be interesting.
Just know that I am a real person with real feelings and I understand more than you think. do you really want to know whats under my skin? Then follow me on this journey and take me with you on yours and together we can survive and breathe knowing that the sunrise is just peeking over the mountain and we dont want to miss it.
Thank you God so much for my story, how i wish i would never of had to endure and suffer the agony i have, how i wish no one ever had to, but thank you for giving me courage and a heart to feel and a canvas to paint any way i want, help me to continually heal and feel free of shame, amen
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Monday, September 12, 2011
today i will rejoice: rest
today i will rejoice: rest: This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118;24 Day 12. Today was a much better day. Finally my thro...
rest
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118;24
Day 12.
Today was a much better day. Finally my throbbing headace and neck have given up a bit. still hurts but not nearly as much. Today is pretty simple. I''m thankful for rest.
after getting Estella ready for school and putting her on the bus I crawled back into my cozy blankets. My plan was simple, sleep another hour.wake up and hit the gym, run errands,color my friends hair, clean the house, peel and slice and freezethe million apples I picked from my Dads tree, and get all this done by 3. Whew and I forgot to mention all the laundry and cleaning that had been piling up.
I stretch and yawn and lay still for a few minutes and I think to myself how nice that was and hope its not past 830 or9, I look at the clock and couldn't believe it was after 11! Oh no! My day is completely behind schedule! I quick hurry out the house and lose my phone, after meeting Matt for lunch I took a deep breath and thought to myself, just re;ax and slow down, enjoy this day. so i went for a coffe and finished what I could without hurry and yes imissed my workout but instead enjoyed a family walk through the park, my laundry is piled up and the house still a mess, but I cooked a wonderful meal and enjoyed the laughter around the table and a game of Sequence with Matt.
It's so hard to just rest and relax sometimes without feeling guilty about what should be done, but who decided what was a should, could or had to? I'm thankfuul that today my "should" was something of value.
Sleep was needed to feel better and the family time was priceless, if I died tomorrow no one is going to say " I wish she wouldv'e finished that laundrry ot vacummed one more time." Well maybe my Mother would but thats a different story!!
Thank you Lord for rest and family and laughter. Thank you for the time we spent as a family tonight, bless my girls, keep them safe and when they are overwhelmed lead them to rest in your arms, where they will feel secure and theyr'e spirits renewed. thank you for always listening. i love you, amen.
Day 12.
Today was a much better day. Finally my throbbing headace and neck have given up a bit. still hurts but not nearly as much. Today is pretty simple. I''m thankful for rest.
after getting Estella ready for school and putting her on the bus I crawled back into my cozy blankets. My plan was simple, sleep another hour.wake up and hit the gym, run errands,color my friends hair, clean the house, peel and slice and freezethe million apples I picked from my Dads tree, and get all this done by 3. Whew and I forgot to mention all the laundry and cleaning that had been piling up.
I stretch and yawn and lay still for a few minutes and I think to myself how nice that was and hope its not past 830 or9, I look at the clock and couldn't believe it was after 11! Oh no! My day is completely behind schedule! I quick hurry out the house and lose my phone, after meeting Matt for lunch I took a deep breath and thought to myself, just re;ax and slow down, enjoy this day. so i went for a coffe and finished what I could without hurry and yes imissed my workout but instead enjoyed a family walk through the park, my laundry is piled up and the house still a mess, but I cooked a wonderful meal and enjoyed the laughter around the table and a game of Sequence with Matt.
It's so hard to just rest and relax sometimes without feeling guilty about what should be done, but who decided what was a should, could or had to? I'm thankfuul that today my "should" was something of value.
Sleep was needed to feel better and the family time was priceless, if I died tomorrow no one is going to say " I wish she wouldv'e finished that laundrry ot vacummed one more time." Well maybe my Mother would but thats a different story!!
Thank you Lord for rest and family and laughter. Thank you for the time we spent as a family tonight, bless my girls, keep them safe and when they are overwhelmed lead them to rest in your arms, where they will feel secure and theyr'e spirits renewed. thank you for always listening. i love you, amen.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
I am blessed
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 11. My challenge is to be thankful no matter what life brings, for something, whether big or small..
I have had a great time doing this so far. It has made me look at life differently the past few weeks for sure. Even though I'm only on day 11, it should probably be close to a month. some days I lose track of time!
I am so thankful for the time i got tto spend with my cousin this weekend!!It has been a few late nights and a lot of laughter talking about memories and creating new ones. Honestly I have had a headache or miagrane in my neck the lat few days and its made it alittel difficult but i kept it to myself and just enoyed my time, because I knew soon it would pass but my cousin wouldnt be back for along time.
Now im home in bed with my computer and it hurts more than ever so besides being thankful for my time with him, right now with my neck in tremendous pain with this headach, I want to say I am thankful for having a home to go to and a bed to curl up into and relax, i couldnt imagine being homeless especially on days when you are sick or having these horrible headaches, im thankfull for the cold refreshing water i have on my night stand, what a luxury, lots of people dont have clean water.im thankful for the quite in my house and i m thankful for my sweetheart, i know when he comes over he will rub my neck untill i fall asleep.
I am very blessed.
Thank you God for this weekend with my family, thank you for always providing and making a way for me. thank you God for putting matt in my life and showing me true genuine love and kindness.Lord please heal my neck and these headaches, i know you are the great healer of all things! there is nothing you cant do, right now i ask of you to please heal my head and whatever causes this to happen, thnak you Jesus, thank you.
Day 11. My challenge is to be thankful no matter what life brings, for something, whether big or small..
I have had a great time doing this so far. It has made me look at life differently the past few weeks for sure. Even though I'm only on day 11, it should probably be close to a month. some days I lose track of time!
I am so thankful for the time i got tto spend with my cousin this weekend!!It has been a few late nights and a lot of laughter talking about memories and creating new ones. Honestly I have had a headache or miagrane in my neck the lat few days and its made it alittel difficult but i kept it to myself and just enoyed my time, because I knew soon it would pass but my cousin wouldnt be back for along time.
Now im home in bed with my computer and it hurts more than ever so besides being thankful for my time with him, right now with my neck in tremendous pain with this headach, I want to say I am thankful for having a home to go to and a bed to curl up into and relax, i couldnt imagine being homeless especially on days when you are sick or having these horrible headaches, im thankfull for the cold refreshing water i have on my night stand, what a luxury, lots of people dont have clean water.im thankful for the quite in my house and i m thankful for my sweetheart, i know when he comes over he will rub my neck untill i fall asleep.
I am very blessed.
Thank you God for this weekend with my family, thank you for always providing and making a way for me. thank you God for putting matt in my life and showing me true genuine love and kindness.Lord please heal my neck and these headaches, i know you are the great healer of all things! there is nothing you cant do, right now i ask of you to please heal my head and whatever causes this to happen, thnak you Jesus, thank you.
Friday, September 9, 2011
today i will rejoice: simple
today i will rejoice: simple: This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 Day 10. Challenge to be thankful everyday for 6 month...
simple
This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Day 10. Challenge to be thankful everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings.
Yesterday was amazing! Seeing familiy and remincing of our youth, wow how the years have flown by.
Today is going to be more than a good day. I can feel it.
Do you ever wake up and even before the sleep is rubbed from your eyes you know that this day is going to be amazing? I love that feeling! It's almost like a high in some way. I want more of it! Yesterday was that way as well! Makes me slightly nervous because inside I know the truth, what comes up must come down. For now though I am going to enjoy this feeling and not worry about what is ahead.
I enjoy the simple pleasures as well as the big and exciting things. But simple things come more often than the big moments. What I'm learning is to see the simple small things as something more and at the end of the day or week they do add up to one big moment.
Some would say they know me very well, even call me friend. they would say I'm usually happy, smiling, spontaneous , cheery. That is true but I'm also human and when they really know me would know I have struggels, sadness, loss, and other things in my life I have overcome and am still choosing to heal from.
So these littel simple joys are usually just that, simple. But on other days these simple moments can be monumentous. Maybe trying to be thankful everyday will create a habit, a habit to find the good no matter what, just let it be automatic.
This morning my car wouldn't start. For some reason the key wouldn't turn, like it was locked. Angel was going to drive today and at first I started to get upset because I was thinking of all the possibilities and car repairs and if the ignition was out or something where would I get the money plus its not even paid for. Uggghh. Then I took a breath, thanked God in my mind for the sun. Thankful we were at home, not out of town or at the store in a rain storm or anything. I kept praying and finally the key turned. odd. So I drove and I thought, hmm maybe this was some kind of divine intervention that saved us from an accident.Who knows.maybe it was just a weird thing with my car. I will never know but I'm glad I didn't spend my time in anger or frustration.
Today is a great day and I am rejoicing. I've had coffee with my sweetheart, time with my girls and my car is still running. My car is a thing, my relationships hold so much more value and we got to spend an extra 15 minutes together just her and I. I'm thankful I didn't waste them .
Thank you God for these littel moments and for this wonderful sunshiney day!
Day 10. Challenge to be thankful everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings.
Yesterday was amazing! Seeing familiy and remincing of our youth, wow how the years have flown by.
Today is going to be more than a good day. I can feel it.
Do you ever wake up and even before the sleep is rubbed from your eyes you know that this day is going to be amazing? I love that feeling! It's almost like a high in some way. I want more of it! Yesterday was that way as well! Makes me slightly nervous because inside I know the truth, what comes up must come down. For now though I am going to enjoy this feeling and not worry about what is ahead.
I enjoy the simple pleasures as well as the big and exciting things. But simple things come more often than the big moments. What I'm learning is to see the simple small things as something more and at the end of the day or week they do add up to one big moment.
Some would say they know me very well, even call me friend. they would say I'm usually happy, smiling, spontaneous , cheery. That is true but I'm also human and when they really know me would know I have struggels, sadness, loss, and other things in my life I have overcome and am still choosing to heal from.
So these littel simple joys are usually just that, simple. But on other days these simple moments can be monumentous. Maybe trying to be thankful everyday will create a habit, a habit to find the good no matter what, just let it be automatic.
This morning my car wouldn't start. For some reason the key wouldn't turn, like it was locked. Angel was going to drive today and at first I started to get upset because I was thinking of all the possibilities and car repairs and if the ignition was out or something where would I get the money plus its not even paid for. Uggghh. Then I took a breath, thanked God in my mind for the sun. Thankful we were at home, not out of town or at the store in a rain storm or anything. I kept praying and finally the key turned. odd. So I drove and I thought, hmm maybe this was some kind of divine intervention that saved us from an accident.Who knows.maybe it was just a weird thing with my car. I will never know but I'm glad I didn't spend my time in anger or frustration.
Today is a great day and I am rejoicing. I've had coffee with my sweetheart, time with my girls and my car is still running. My car is a thing, my relationships hold so much more value and we got to spend an extra 15 minutes together just her and I. I'm thankful I didn't waste them .
Thank you God for these littel moments and for this wonderful sunshiney day!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Family
This is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24
Day 9. Giving thanks and rejoicing every day for 6 months.
After yesterdays blog I am trying really hard to have my eyes opened to whats around me, honestly I kinda go through this here and there, but Im going to make a consience effort to keep them open, and really see not just glance around and overlook whats aruond me . I want tobe more in touch with people and walk not just beside them here and there, but walk a mile in there shoes, how else will my heart break for the things that break Gods? How else will I ever really truly know not only my family, my friends, my clients, but my community,my brothers and sisters? I want to see more clearly.
Today I am thankful for so much and its only 8 am! I had a fantastic wake up from Estella! She came to me rubbing my back and singing a wake up song with kisses! Then I curled Angels hair and we decided the best way to study her AP history class was to sing it! Funny!
But today is an exciting day! My cousin Keith is flying here from Louisianna! My best friend growing up! Wev'e only seen each other 3 times since 1989. WOW . Not enough at all.
I have missed him so much. I feel like a littel girl on Christmas Eve, not wanting to go to sleep! I don't want to go to work! Im too excited!
I'm thankful toay for relationships. Thankful for hearts that never stop loving acrosss the miles. Not all the time we have missed out on but the time we will cherish makeing new memories this weekend!
Thankful for the special bond of friendship we have.
This is a great day! Now I'm off to my friend Andreas home for cofee with my girlfriends! Then to work, then to see my my hearts closest truest friend, Keith, I love you!!!!!
Thank you God for relationships and love and family! I cant even begin to imagine how much you love all of us and can contain it all! My heart sometimes feels like its going to burst with love and excitement! especially on a day like today! thank you so much for the special funny moments with my girls this morning too! Keep them safe today while we are apart. but in all this excitement please help me to see all around me and not lose my focus, thank you.
Day 9. Giving thanks and rejoicing every day for 6 months.
After yesterdays blog I am trying really hard to have my eyes opened to whats around me, honestly I kinda go through this here and there, but Im going to make a consience effort to keep them open, and really see not just glance around and overlook whats aruond me . I want tobe more in touch with people and walk not just beside them here and there, but walk a mile in there shoes, how else will my heart break for the things that break Gods? How else will I ever really truly know not only my family, my friends, my clients, but my community,my brothers and sisters? I want to see more clearly.
Today I am thankful for so much and its only 8 am! I had a fantastic wake up from Estella! She came to me rubbing my back and singing a wake up song with kisses! Then I curled Angels hair and we decided the best way to study her AP history class was to sing it! Funny!
But today is an exciting day! My cousin Keith is flying here from Louisianna! My best friend growing up! Wev'e only seen each other 3 times since 1989. WOW . Not enough at all.
I have missed him so much. I feel like a littel girl on Christmas Eve, not wanting to go to sleep! I don't want to go to work! Im too excited!
I'm thankful toay for relationships. Thankful for hearts that never stop loving acrosss the miles. Not all the time we have missed out on but the time we will cherish makeing new memories this weekend!
Thankful for the special bond of friendship we have.
This is a great day! Now I'm off to my friend Andreas home for cofee with my girlfriends! Then to work, then to see my my hearts closest truest friend, Keith, I love you!!!!!
Thank you God for relationships and love and family! I cant even begin to imagine how much you love all of us and can contain it all! My heart sometimes feels like its going to burst with love and excitement! especially on a day like today! thank you so much for the special funny moments with my girls this morning too! Keep them safe today while we are apart. but in all this excitement please help me to see all around me and not lose my focus, thank you.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
savoring life like a white chocolate passionfruit trufffel
this is the day the Lord has made and i will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
The biggest challenge of this 6 month challenge to give thanks everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings, is time i have discovered! Im on day 8 but it should probably be 20!
Time goes by so quickly and there is never enough of it. Its one of the few things money can not buy, if we could id invest in alot of stock!
I didnt know what i was going to be thankful for when i started to write or what to write about, so i do what i usualy do, God give me words. Time. it keeps coming to me.
Who do i want to be in this time that i have? how do i want to be remebered? will i be satisfied at the end of my time here on earth? or will ibe grasping for more?will i just exist through it? walking slowly and disconnected?or running so fast i pass it all up?
I want to savor every bit of it, like my favorite white passion fruit truffel (from obsession chocolates!) When i take a bite its so delicious i want to eat the whole thing right away!but then its gone, and i am licking my teeth for more,wishing i would of taken the time to really enjoy it and savor it,one nibble at a time.
No more pettiness.
No more complaining.
No more pouting.
No more working extra extra late for 50bucks not even 100 bucks! My family is worth more!!!
Im done with feeling sorry, depressed days, tired mornings, its not fair, living in the past, not being thankful.
I am not existing but living!
I am not fine but fantastic!
I am not a victim but a survivor!
I am going to live without regrets.
I am going to have a heart of love
show compassion
I am going to walk in truth
I am going to show kindness, not just think kind thoughts
actions speak louder than words
I am going to embrace life and all its moments, from the sweetest to the raw and griity ones.
I am not perfect, actually very flawed
Ill never live perfectly but I am more aware of what and how i want my life to be, what i desire to be what i long to become. how i want to spend my time that i have left.
I want my time to be on the mountain top, but i know to get there the journey is a raw and gritty one, but i am learning that is where the strength for the journey comes, thats where integrity is formed, where true character is defined. I have been up and down the mountain many times, too many to count. The difference now is my attitude going back up. Who will I find along the way, will i stop to wipe the sweat from their brow? Walk to find them water? Sit with them for awhile,let my heart break for theirs? or will i be focused on me and what lies ahead? i would like to use that time to unwrap a delicious white chocolate passion fruit truffel and share in the goodness of life.
Yes life is good. life is a blessing. time may be short and the journey may be a difficult one, but thats when you feel refreshment, at the end of something difficult. A cold glass of water taste so much better at the end of hike than just on a walk.
Psalm 39:5
You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;at best, each of us is but a breath.
Thank you God for this time. thank you for life and breath of another day. help me to use it wisely and not waste this precious gift, help me to see more clearly and walk in obedience to you. break my heart with what breaks yours so i may be more loving, more patient,more compassionate, help me to speak with love and not in anger, not to take my time for granit.thank you for the gritty times, never leaving me but healing, giving new life a new heart and a new perspective. amen
The biggest challenge of this 6 month challenge to give thanks everyday for 6 months no matter what life brings, is time i have discovered! Im on day 8 but it should probably be 20!
Time goes by so quickly and there is never enough of it. Its one of the few things money can not buy, if we could id invest in alot of stock!
I didnt know what i was going to be thankful for when i started to write or what to write about, so i do what i usualy do, God give me words. Time. it keeps coming to me.
Who do i want to be in this time that i have? how do i want to be remebered? will i be satisfied at the end of my time here on earth? or will ibe grasping for more?will i just exist through it? walking slowly and disconnected?or running so fast i pass it all up?
I want to savor every bit of it, like my favorite white passion fruit truffel (from obsession chocolates!) When i take a bite its so delicious i want to eat the whole thing right away!but then its gone, and i am licking my teeth for more,wishing i would of taken the time to really enjoy it and savor it,one nibble at a time.
No more pettiness.
No more complaining.
No more pouting.
No more working extra extra late for 50bucks not even 100 bucks! My family is worth more!!!
Im done with feeling sorry, depressed days, tired mornings, its not fair, living in the past, not being thankful.
I am not existing but living!
I am not fine but fantastic!
I am not a victim but a survivor!
I am going to live without regrets.
I am going to have a heart of love
show compassion
I am going to walk in truth
I am going to show kindness, not just think kind thoughts
actions speak louder than words
I am going to embrace life and all its moments, from the sweetest to the raw and griity ones.
I am not perfect, actually very flawed
Ill never live perfectly but I am more aware of what and how i want my life to be, what i desire to be what i long to become. how i want to spend my time that i have left.
I want my time to be on the mountain top, but i know to get there the journey is a raw and gritty one, but i am learning that is where the strength for the journey comes, thats where integrity is formed, where true character is defined. I have been up and down the mountain many times, too many to count. The difference now is my attitude going back up. Who will I find along the way, will i stop to wipe the sweat from their brow? Walk to find them water? Sit with them for awhile,let my heart break for theirs? or will i be focused on me and what lies ahead? i would like to use that time to unwrap a delicious white chocolate passion fruit truffel and share in the goodness of life.
Yes life is good. life is a blessing. time may be short and the journey may be a difficult one, but thats when you feel refreshment, at the end of something difficult. A cold glass of water taste so much better at the end of hike than just on a walk.
Psalm 39:5
You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;at best, each of us is but a breath.
Thank you God for this time. thank you for life and breath of another day. help me to use it wisely and not waste this precious gift, help me to see more clearly and walk in obedience to you. break my heart with what breaks yours so i may be more loving, more patient,more compassionate, help me to speak with love and not in anger, not to take my time for granit.thank you for the gritty times, never leaving me but healing, giving new life a new heart and a new perspective. amen
Friday, September 2, 2011
mr. lovebird
this is the day the LORD has made and i will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24
Today is day 7 of giving thanks every day no matter what the circumstances of life are. I have to say it's been a great week! I'm sure that over the course of 6 months it wont always be easy but thats the whole point. Do I really love God and trust him? Do I love him enough to praise him and thank him in the difficult times or only when he blesses me? I'd like to say at all times, ive walked through some very dark times in my life after i comitted my life to him and im still here. so im really hoping that its 6 months of praises!!
tonight was date night! We have been engaged for 1 1/2 months now and life is really busy! trying to sell 2 houses so we can find a home and become one family. matt is a good man. he really is a blessing . someone told me that the name matthew means gift from god. maybe i should google that! but it must be true!! he is patient and kind, genuine, loving, helpful, honest and very loving. hes funny and he makes me laugh more than anybody else in the world, wherever we are what ever we do , we have the most fun! he loves my girls like his own, he is our family.
growing up i never saw what a real family was like, at least not in my home. my family was full of lies, deceit,abuse,scandal,condemation,secrets,ridicule and cover up. actually i covered it all up with a mask i created, it had a smile and a laugh while behind it i was suffocating falling into a dark pit of dispair. by the time i was 10 i had created several masks to wear learning very quickly how to change them out and hide the other ones so no one would really know, but all the while desperately hoping someone would know and come rescue me.
i created a fantasy like most littel girls do, and knew for sure one day my prince charming would come and carry me away to his castle far far away.
while i waited i did get carried away, but it wasnt by a prince but by one false hope at a time.it was like i was swimming and the current pulled me out and everytime id get my head above water another wave would come and the current would pull me under, just getting my head above to take a breath untill i was frantically paddeling , choking, gasping for air, then exhaustion. sinking , watching everything fade to black, awakened on the shore wondering how id gotten there, how i had survived.
then out of no where here is matt. my prince. without knowing he saved me. with his patience he gave me time to heal, all the while nurturing this poor broken soul , not even sure of why. his sincere kindness and words of truth and love began to mend the broken shards of my heart. one by one the pieces where placed togehter so delicately as if he knew how easily theyd all crumble again. i had to quickly decide which of my masks to wear, i couldnt let him know what was happening inside,surely he would leave, he was a good man, i was , well i was not so good, i was worthless, unlovable. broken. i didnt want to be, but that was my truth.
he was a gift, and i almost lost it.
he is a gift and i will always treasure him and our love.
no one is perfect we all know that. fairytales are something in a book, a fantasy, we all know that too.
but i feel like my new reality is a fairytale and im rewriting the book.
i heard a song at a wedding once at part of it says
Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you I believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life
~chorus~
Oh I wonder what God was thinking,when he created you.
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because he made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me
so today i am thankful for many things, im thankful for a new life, healing and forgiveness. im thankfull for love, real true love with no alterior motives, im thankfull for matt, the love of my life.
Lord, thank you for this gift of love, thank you for second chances and new beginings, thank you for giving me courage and the ability to trust and open my heart, thank you for loving me, not just a littel but enough to sacrafice your son for me so i may live in eternity, i cant even begin to understand how but thats okay, thank you for creating matt and i so uniquely but perfect for each other, you must of gave him his large hands so he could hold mine and lift me up when i am to weak to carry on, his large shoulders to rest my head on when the day has been too much and his gentle spirit to bring calm into my day, thank you for his sense of humor so we can laugh for hours and just be silly, thank you for his love for my girls and our new found family, Lord i ask divine protection over us and a marriage for several decades to come, thank you, i love you, destiny
Today is day 7 of giving thanks every day no matter what the circumstances of life are. I have to say it's been a great week! I'm sure that over the course of 6 months it wont always be easy but thats the whole point. Do I really love God and trust him? Do I love him enough to praise him and thank him in the difficult times or only when he blesses me? I'd like to say at all times, ive walked through some very dark times in my life after i comitted my life to him and im still here. so im really hoping that its 6 months of praises!!
tonight was date night! We have been engaged for 1 1/2 months now and life is really busy! trying to sell 2 houses so we can find a home and become one family. matt is a good man. he really is a blessing . someone told me that the name matthew means gift from god. maybe i should google that! but it must be true!! he is patient and kind, genuine, loving, helpful, honest and very loving. hes funny and he makes me laugh more than anybody else in the world, wherever we are what ever we do , we have the most fun! he loves my girls like his own, he is our family.
growing up i never saw what a real family was like, at least not in my home. my family was full of lies, deceit,abuse,scandal,condemation,secrets,ridicule and cover up. actually i covered it all up with a mask i created, it had a smile and a laugh while behind it i was suffocating falling into a dark pit of dispair. by the time i was 10 i had created several masks to wear learning very quickly how to change them out and hide the other ones so no one would really know, but all the while desperately hoping someone would know and come rescue me.
i created a fantasy like most littel girls do, and knew for sure one day my prince charming would come and carry me away to his castle far far away.
while i waited i did get carried away, but it wasnt by a prince but by one false hope at a time.it was like i was swimming and the current pulled me out and everytime id get my head above water another wave would come and the current would pull me under, just getting my head above to take a breath untill i was frantically paddeling , choking, gasping for air, then exhaustion. sinking , watching everything fade to black, awakened on the shore wondering how id gotten there, how i had survived.
then out of no where here is matt. my prince. without knowing he saved me. with his patience he gave me time to heal, all the while nurturing this poor broken soul , not even sure of why. his sincere kindness and words of truth and love began to mend the broken shards of my heart. one by one the pieces where placed togehter so delicately as if he knew how easily theyd all crumble again. i had to quickly decide which of my masks to wear, i couldnt let him know what was happening inside,surely he would leave, he was a good man, i was , well i was not so good, i was worthless, unlovable. broken. i didnt want to be, but that was my truth.
he was a gift, and i almost lost it.
he is a gift and i will always treasure him and our love.
no one is perfect we all know that. fairytales are something in a book, a fantasy, we all know that too.
but i feel like my new reality is a fairytale and im rewriting the book.
i heard a song at a wedding once at part of it says
Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you I believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life
~chorus~
Oh I wonder what God was thinking,when he created you.
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because he made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me
so today i am thankful for many things, im thankful for a new life, healing and forgiveness. im thankfull for love, real true love with no alterior motives, im thankfull for matt, the love of my life.
Lord, thank you for this gift of love, thank you for second chances and new beginings, thank you for giving me courage and the ability to trust and open my heart, thank you for loving me, not just a littel but enough to sacrafice your son for me so i may live in eternity, i cant even begin to understand how but thats okay, thank you for creating matt and i so uniquely but perfect for each other, you must of gave him his large hands so he could hold mine and lift me up when i am to weak to carry on, his large shoulders to rest my head on when the day has been too much and his gentle spirit to bring calm into my day, thank you for his sense of humor so we can laugh for hours and just be silly, thank you for his love for my girls and our new found family, Lord i ask divine protection over us and a marriage for several decades to come, thank you, i love you, destiny
today i will rejoice: arms to hold and to hug
today i will rejoice: arms to hold and to hug: This is the day the Lord has made and I will REJOICE and be GLAD in it!! Psalm 118:24 Day 6 of the challenge, give thanks every day no mat...
Thursday, September 1, 2011
arms to hold and to hug
This is the day the Lord has made and I will REJOICE and be GLAD in it!! Psalm 118:24
Day 6 of the challenge, give thanks every day no matter what life brings, no mater how big or small it is.
Years ago I watched a documentary about a woman that was born without arms and she had a child and the one thing she would never experience is the feeling of holding her child in her arms. I thought wow thats to bad, kinda sad, and never really thought much about her again.
Today while driving my youngest, Estella to her great grandmas house I asked her what she was thankful for today, usually its whatever she sees, "oh that squirrel, or leaves" and my favorite, "for you mom!" But today was different she said " hmm, today I'm thankful that my grandma is alve and i get to go see her at her house" Wow! She is really growimg and changing! Her compassionate spirit is not held back! I was touched by her sincerity. I was holding her hand and i said "today Estella I'm thankful for this time in the car with you and this moment of holding your hand".
After I dropped her off and was on my way to work I was thanking God for her and Angel. Thanking Him for all these littel moments and cherished memories I have with them. As I've said before we are a very affectionate family, and we hold hands all the time. Angel still holds my hand in the car and on the couch, even on a walk. Priceless, what more could I ask for? My family is so very special to me, I never want to take these littel moments for granted again.
Then out of nowhere I thought of that woman from years ago and my heart cries out for the ache in her heart! The longing she must feel, just to know what it's like to wrap her arms around her child and just rest to the rythem of her heartbeat. I know that after a long day away from my girls, even when we are at odds with eachother, my heart longs to see them and when I come in the door I rush to them to feel there warm embrace, and I am so blessed to receive this gift not only once a day but twice.
Thank you Jesus for making my body whole and complete, this is something I never would of thought of thanking you for untill now. Thank you for my girls. i love them so very much, i still cant believe that you picked me to be there mom, what a honor. thank you for giving us all arms so we may hug eachother with this simple gesture of love , I pray for that woman and all people without arms that you would overflow them with love, let them feel your loving arms wrapped around them and that they would never feel incomplete in any way from this day forward, what a wonderful day when in the resurected life when they have new bodies with new arms and when they meet their children in heaven for the first time in a hugging embrace. Oh glorious day!!!!!!
Day 6 of the challenge, give thanks every day no matter what life brings, no mater how big or small it is.
Years ago I watched a documentary about a woman that was born without arms and she had a child and the one thing she would never experience is the feeling of holding her child in her arms. I thought wow thats to bad, kinda sad, and never really thought much about her again.
Today while driving my youngest, Estella to her great grandmas house I asked her what she was thankful for today, usually its whatever she sees, "oh that squirrel, or leaves" and my favorite, "for you mom!" But today was different she said " hmm, today I'm thankful that my grandma is alve and i get to go see her at her house" Wow! She is really growimg and changing! Her compassionate spirit is not held back! I was touched by her sincerity. I was holding her hand and i said "today Estella I'm thankful for this time in the car with you and this moment of holding your hand".
After I dropped her off and was on my way to work I was thanking God for her and Angel. Thanking Him for all these littel moments and cherished memories I have with them. As I've said before we are a very affectionate family, and we hold hands all the time. Angel still holds my hand in the car and on the couch, even on a walk. Priceless, what more could I ask for? My family is so very special to me, I never want to take these littel moments for granted again.
Then out of nowhere I thought of that woman from years ago and my heart cries out for the ache in her heart! The longing she must feel, just to know what it's like to wrap her arms around her child and just rest to the rythem of her heartbeat. I know that after a long day away from my girls, even when we are at odds with eachother, my heart longs to see them and when I come in the door I rush to them to feel there warm embrace, and I am so blessed to receive this gift not only once a day but twice.
Thank you Jesus for making my body whole and complete, this is something I never would of thought of thanking you for untill now. Thank you for my girls. i love them so very much, i still cant believe that you picked me to be there mom, what a honor. thank you for giving us all arms so we may hug eachother with this simple gesture of love , I pray for that woman and all people without arms that you would overflow them with love, let them feel your loving arms wrapped around them and that they would never feel incomplete in any way from this day forward, what a wonderful day when in the resurected life when they have new bodies with new arms and when they meet their children in heaven for the first time in a hugging embrace. Oh glorious day!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Coffee
This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24
Day 5 of giving thanks every day no matter the circumstances of this life, I missed the last few blog entries because there wasnt enough time in the day and there still isnt! but i wont skip!
So tonight instead of trying to tell some amazing story about my life or my kids or whats going on in my head, i am simply thankful for the littel pleasures in life. this week especially , im so greatful for tastebuds and also coffee. I love the smell, the taste, the feeling of the warm liquid going down, the warmth of the mug in my hand. its an experience, and i love it everytime.
so yes , iam thankful for coffee! Thank you Lord for crating these yummy beans,, i know you could of created us without taste or smell, how would we ever know the difference? we wouldnt most likely but you love us enough to give us these simple littel pleasures! thank you!
oh and new stuies show that coffee reduces chance of stoke! BONUS!
Day 5 of giving thanks every day no matter the circumstances of this life, I missed the last few blog entries because there wasnt enough time in the day and there still isnt! but i wont skip!
So tonight instead of trying to tell some amazing story about my life or my kids or whats going on in my head, i am simply thankful for the littel pleasures in life. this week especially , im so greatful for tastebuds and also coffee. I love the smell, the taste, the feeling of the warm liquid going down, the warmth of the mug in my hand. its an experience, and i love it everytime.
so yes , iam thankful for coffee! Thank you Lord for crating these yummy beans,, i know you could of created us without taste or smell, how would we ever know the difference? we wouldnt most likely but you love us enough to give us these simple littel pleasures! thank you!
oh and new stuies show that coffee reduces chance of stoke! BONUS!
Friday, August 26, 2011
life of abunance
This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118;24
Day 4 of being thankful for something in my life everyday for 6 months.
Today was a fantastic day!! Work was great! I enjoyed a fun evening with friends and family, had Angel spend the day with me at work, Estella was so excited to see me after daycare, and I just listed my house and found out I have a showing allready!! I know it will sell in 2 weeks! And to finish off my fantastic day a wonderful conversation with the love of my life!!
So todayI am thankful for so much! My life is so blessed and fullfilled! I almost feel like everything I just listed is an added extra bonus. Watching the famine and drought in the Horn of Africa, mothers and fathers are walking weeks in 100+ degree heat in search of water and leaving their babies behind to die beacuse the journey is to long, I can't even begin to imagine the pain. And to think I throw out warm bottel of water half drank that I left in the car overnight.
I have a house, not the nicest,but its not a hut,
I have food in my cupboards, refrigarator and freezer, even have a drawer of food at work, not to mention my 94 cent coffe almost daily from Mc Donalds. I know without a doubt Ill eat not just once a day but at least 3 meals and a snack or 2. While there is a orphange ( I beleive is in africa, My friend Renee has a friend who runs it) and says the woman chose to feed their own chilren a meal one day and the orphans a meal the next day. How gut wrenching to watch and have to chose who eats and who dosent eat.
I am thankful for not only my family and friends but for living with abunance, because even when i have to go 'without' i still am so rich and blessed.
Psalm 118 26-27
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you.[b]
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine on us
Thank you God for shining your light on me! I am so thankful for your grace and true compassionate love for me. I am so overwhelmed at how good you are to me when i continue to fall short so many times on this journey, My prayer for right now is to be with everyone of those parents in the horn of africa and give them corage, strength both physically and mentally to carry on and find refuge, be with the children that are being left behind, wrap them in your arms and let them find comfort in you, please dont let another one of those littel children your children be left behind. Bring rain, pour it down,open the floodgates of heaven and drench their land, rain down manna just like in the days of Moses and fill their stomachs! i know you can , i believe you can, please Lord answer my prayer, thank you.
Day 4 of being thankful for something in my life everyday for 6 months.
Today was a fantastic day!! Work was great! I enjoyed a fun evening with friends and family, had Angel spend the day with me at work, Estella was so excited to see me after daycare, and I just listed my house and found out I have a showing allready!! I know it will sell in 2 weeks! And to finish off my fantastic day a wonderful conversation with the love of my life!!
So todayI am thankful for so much! My life is so blessed and fullfilled! I almost feel like everything I just listed is an added extra bonus. Watching the famine and drought in the Horn of Africa, mothers and fathers are walking weeks in 100+ degree heat in search of water and leaving their babies behind to die beacuse the journey is to long, I can't even begin to imagine the pain. And to think I throw out warm bottel of water half drank that I left in the car overnight.
I have a house, not the nicest,but its not a hut,
I have food in my cupboards, refrigarator and freezer, even have a drawer of food at work, not to mention my 94 cent coffe almost daily from Mc Donalds. I know without a doubt Ill eat not just once a day but at least 3 meals and a snack or 2. While there is a orphange ( I beleive is in africa, My friend Renee has a friend who runs it) and says the woman chose to feed their own chilren a meal one day and the orphans a meal the next day. How gut wrenching to watch and have to chose who eats and who dosent eat.
I am thankful for not only my family and friends but for living with abunance, because even when i have to go 'without' i still am so rich and blessed.
Psalm 118 26-27
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you.[b]
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine on us
Thank you God for shining your light on me! I am so thankful for your grace and true compassionate love for me. I am so overwhelmed at how good you are to me when i continue to fall short so many times on this journey, My prayer for right now is to be with everyone of those parents in the horn of africa and give them corage, strength both physically and mentally to carry on and find refuge, be with the children that are being left behind, wrap them in your arms and let them find comfort in you, please dont let another one of those littel children your children be left behind. Bring rain, pour it down,open the floodgates of heaven and drench their land, rain down manna just like in the days of Moses and fill their stomachs! i know you can , i believe you can, please Lord answer my prayer, thank you.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
the love award
This is the day the Lord has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it . Psalm 118:24
Day 3 of giving thanks every day for 6 months no matter what life brings.
I wish i was a perfect mom, i think we all secertly wish that. Iwish i didnt ever yell or get mad, i secretly wish my girls were perfect too, then we could be this big happy perfect family! GAG!!!! How fun would that really be? Sure it would be great to never have any tension or stress or drama in this all girl house (oh how i feel for matt after the wedding!) Where would all the other stories come if we were perfect? We would be a perfectly BORING family!
Oh but i do wish my oldest Angel and i wouldnt have fought today. when we do I feel terrible inside, i can see the hurt in her eyes and my heart cries! God grant me patience and wisdom.
Estella got to spend the first half of the day with me and like yesterday i listened more, tried to spend mmore quality time not just shaking my head saying uh huh, yep , okay. We are a very affectionate family, always mushy gushy hugging,kisses, handholding,rubbing backs. Our family love language is definately touch and time.
Im looking forward to having some quality time with Angel hopefully soon.
When i got home tonight Estella ran to the car to great me!! MOM I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!! My heart lept for joy!! I couldnt believe it! When was the last time she ever did that? Angel followed her out , not as a cheerful as a greeting, but i understand why. Im sure the appolgetic voicemail i left her telling her i love her didnt really win her over yet.
So its family movie night i decide, my pick, an old classic, the secret of nihm. No one can fight because its my pick! Before the movie starts Estellla RUNS EXCITEDLY into my room to get my suprise she left on my bed!!! Its a note. But not just any note. This is a note to keep forever! Its a LOVE AWARD!!! and guess who won it? Thats right ME!!!! She writes : MOMMY THIS IS FOR YOU> I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND A LOVE AWARD JUST FOR YOU. LOVE ESTELLA!!! SORRY I MADE YOU LOOK OLD< IM SORRY.
She drew a picture of me,but i think i look super Fabulous!!and she drew a trophy that says LOVE AWARD FOR THE MOST LOVE EVER.
What more could i ask for? I guess there will be good days and not so good ays with my girls, but even when they are not so perfect god has a way of knitting everything together for good. The family movie night wasnt perfect, there was bickering about who was chewing to loud or eating the most popcorn, but im in the middel, looking down and through it all smiling, fighting back the tears because they both have there heads on my shoulders, Angel to the left, Estella to the right hands in mine and i can kiss the top of there heas and just breath in this moment because i know it wont last long enough.
This is the day the Lord has made and I am rejoicing with a heart overflowing with love.
Day 3 of giving thanks every day for 6 months no matter what life brings.
I wish i was a perfect mom, i think we all secertly wish that. Iwish i didnt ever yell or get mad, i secretly wish my girls were perfect too, then we could be this big happy perfect family! GAG!!!! How fun would that really be? Sure it would be great to never have any tension or stress or drama in this all girl house (oh how i feel for matt after the wedding!) Where would all the other stories come if we were perfect? We would be a perfectly BORING family!
Oh but i do wish my oldest Angel and i wouldnt have fought today. when we do I feel terrible inside, i can see the hurt in her eyes and my heart cries! God grant me patience and wisdom.
Estella got to spend the first half of the day with me and like yesterday i listened more, tried to spend mmore quality time not just shaking my head saying uh huh, yep , okay. We are a very affectionate family, always mushy gushy hugging,kisses, handholding,rubbing backs. Our family love language is definately touch and time.
Im looking forward to having some quality time with Angel hopefully soon.
When i got home tonight Estella ran to the car to great me!! MOM I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!! My heart lept for joy!! I couldnt believe it! When was the last time she ever did that? Angel followed her out , not as a cheerful as a greeting, but i understand why. Im sure the appolgetic voicemail i left her telling her i love her didnt really win her over yet.
So its family movie night i decide, my pick, an old classic, the secret of nihm. No one can fight because its my pick! Before the movie starts Estellla RUNS EXCITEDLY into my room to get my suprise she left on my bed!!! Its a note. But not just any note. This is a note to keep forever! Its a LOVE AWARD!!! and guess who won it? Thats right ME!!!! She writes : MOMMY THIS IS FOR YOU> I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND A LOVE AWARD JUST FOR YOU. LOVE ESTELLA!!! SORRY I MADE YOU LOOK OLD< IM SORRY.
She drew a picture of me,but i think i look super Fabulous!!and she drew a trophy that says LOVE AWARD FOR THE MOST LOVE EVER.
What more could i ask for? I guess there will be good days and not so good ays with my girls, but even when they are not so perfect god has a way of knitting everything together for good. The family movie night wasnt perfect, there was bickering about who was chewing to loud or eating the most popcorn, but im in the middel, looking down and through it all smiling, fighting back the tears because they both have there heads on my shoulders, Angel to the left, Estella to the right hands in mine and i can kiss the top of there heas and just breath in this moment because i know it wont last long enough.
This is the day the Lord has made and I am rejoicing with a heart overflowing with love.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
time is a gift
This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!!! Psalm 118:24
This is day 2 of the 6 month challenge to give thanks everyday for something!! I just read the whole psalm, im not going to post the whole thing but its wonderful! so i think today i will focus in the first verse,
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
for his steadfast love endures forever!
Yesterday morning when I was laying in bed enjoying my me time, my 7 year old daughter Estella came and crawled in. I LOVE it when my girls come and cuddel! But i just wanted her to lay still and be quite, because i was relaxed with my laptop and wanted to start my day peacefully. she asked me a couple times to scratch her back and i felt incredibly guilty when i said to wait!! and i had just finished my blog on giving thanks!! ugghh!
so i closed it up and scratched and rubbed her back and really just enjoyed those moments with her. We tallked and laughed and i told her that today i was thankful for her, for my girls.
all day today she was with me at work and we had break and we read a book together, then instead of running errands i took her to the library and we stopped and had a muffin at the local food co outside and enjoyed the sunny late afternoon together, it was easier than i thought to push aside all the worries of the day and all the many things going on in my life to just stop and sit for awile and enjoy my daughter.
When we got home as we were cleaning up the yard we took the time to waltz together to the other side, yes it would of been faster not to, but another precious memory of my day is now stored in my heart, and i am so glad i took the time.
Yes, the Lord is good!! He chose me to be these girls mom! they are a gift! A gift so special and so valuable that i realize i need to spend a littel more time and care as i unwrap each layer.
Thank you God for my children. I love them so very much! thank you so much for this absolutely beautiful day and the time to spend with Estella, time is really a gift as well ,it goes by so quickly and i dont want to miss out on anything! thank you for all the things i sometimes take for granted, like the warm afternoon sun, without it we never would have sat at the picnic table today, for tastebuds, without them we wouldnt of enjoyed our littel muffin, for dancing, otherwise cleaning wouldnt of been so much fun! Thank you for another day to really live!!!!
This is day 2 of the 6 month challenge to give thanks everyday for something!! I just read the whole psalm, im not going to post the whole thing but its wonderful! so i think today i will focus in the first verse,
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
for his steadfast love endures forever!
Yesterday morning when I was laying in bed enjoying my me time, my 7 year old daughter Estella came and crawled in. I LOVE it when my girls come and cuddel! But i just wanted her to lay still and be quite, because i was relaxed with my laptop and wanted to start my day peacefully. she asked me a couple times to scratch her back and i felt incredibly guilty when i said to wait!! and i had just finished my blog on giving thanks!! ugghh!
so i closed it up and scratched and rubbed her back and really just enjoyed those moments with her. We tallked and laughed and i told her that today i was thankful for her, for my girls.
all day today she was with me at work and we had break and we read a book together, then instead of running errands i took her to the library and we stopped and had a muffin at the local food co outside and enjoyed the sunny late afternoon together, it was easier than i thought to push aside all the worries of the day and all the many things going on in my life to just stop and sit for awile and enjoy my daughter.
When we got home as we were cleaning up the yard we took the time to waltz together to the other side, yes it would of been faster not to, but another precious memory of my day is now stored in my heart, and i am so glad i took the time.
Yes, the Lord is good!! He chose me to be these girls mom! they are a gift! A gift so special and so valuable that i realize i need to spend a littel more time and care as i unwrap each layer.
Thank you God for my children. I love them so very much! thank you so much for this absolutely beautiful day and the time to spend with Estella, time is really a gift as well ,it goes by so quickly and i dont want to miss out on anything! thank you for all the things i sometimes take for granted, like the warm afternoon sun, without it we never would have sat at the picnic table today, for tastebuds, without them we wouldnt of enjoyed our littel muffin, for dancing, otherwise cleaning wouldnt of been so much fun! Thank you for another day to really live!!!!
today i will rejoice: fully alive
today i will rejoice: fully alive: This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24 This is my challenge for the next 6 months. I was at ...
fully alive
This is the day the LORD has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24
This is my challenge for the next 6 months. I was at a service years ago and the speaker said to say this every morning before you get out of bed no matter what , I have one this off and on for years but never in a written form. I am excited, even though I know life has its twists and turns and I am human and I dont always feel like giving thanks. So lets see where this goes!!
I am going to start with yesteray. At work I met an elderly woman who was just diagnosed with non treatable cancer. As i was giving her a pedicure we were taliking about her life and my friend I work with asked the woman if she could pray with her, as she prayed a beautiful prayer of strength and healing over her i also was praying silently for her. I looked at the scene before me, hands were on her praying from my friend and I was litereally washing her feet. I just started to cry, as I thought of the times in the bible when the disciples washed the feet of Jesus and all the other stories of foot washing and healing.
This woman said through her tears that she had so much life in her, so much more to do and see she wasnt ready in that aspect to die yet.
so many times when I hear of an elderly person dieing i think well at least they lived a long life.
Or I have stupidly thought well they are old, they must of realized this is what happens and are ok with knowing their time is coming.
I am thankful for health, more importantly I am thankfull for another day to live and be fully alive!! This ay will go all to fast just like all the previous years I have lived, and I want to make the most of them because like this beautiful hurting woman, there is alot of life left in me!!!
My prayer for her,
Lord you are perfect and you have a perfect plan for us. we dont usually understand what it is and i know she is questioning how this could be your will for her. Please wrap her in peace give her comfort and give her strength. I pray for healing! let her be a miracle!
This is my challenge for the next 6 months. I was at a service years ago and the speaker said to say this every morning before you get out of bed no matter what , I have one this off and on for years but never in a written form. I am excited, even though I know life has its twists and turns and I am human and I dont always feel like giving thanks. So lets see where this goes!!
I am going to start with yesteray. At work I met an elderly woman who was just diagnosed with non treatable cancer. As i was giving her a pedicure we were taliking about her life and my friend I work with asked the woman if she could pray with her, as she prayed a beautiful prayer of strength and healing over her i also was praying silently for her. I looked at the scene before me, hands were on her praying from my friend and I was litereally washing her feet. I just started to cry, as I thought of the times in the bible when the disciples washed the feet of Jesus and all the other stories of foot washing and healing.
This woman said through her tears that she had so much life in her, so much more to do and see she wasnt ready in that aspect to die yet.
so many times when I hear of an elderly person dieing i think well at least they lived a long life.
Or I have stupidly thought well they are old, they must of realized this is what happens and are ok with knowing their time is coming.
I am thankful for health, more importantly I am thankfull for another day to live and be fully alive!! This ay will go all to fast just like all the previous years I have lived, and I want to make the most of them because like this beautiful hurting woman, there is alot of life left in me!!!
My prayer for her,
Lord you are perfect and you have a perfect plan for us. we dont usually understand what it is and i know she is questioning how this could be your will for her. Please wrap her in peace give her comfort and give her strength. I pray for healing! let her be a miracle!
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